Life's Laundry

If Only I Had Known

It was a Wednesday, June 10, 1987.  This had been a pretty uneventful first pregnancy and I was 11 days past my estimated due date. At the tender age of 21, I thought that I was well educated about pregnancy, the physiology of labor and birth and breastfeeding - after all, I had read "What To Expect When You Are Expecting" (along with 5 or 6 other childbirth books).  My husband and I had attended the childbirth classes that the doctor's nurse taught and we honestly felt like if there was something that we needed yet to know - that we would be told.

This state of mind, as you will see revealed many times in this birthstory, was one of the most dangerous places to be for a young woman about to begin labor with her first child.

We spent the day Wednesday in the doctor's office - not my OB, but the surgeon of my husband.  He had (for the 3rd time since we'd been married for 9 short months) his abdomen opened up from an old appendectomy scar that didn't heal.  The surgeon had opened the scar up and cleaned out a lot of the bad tissue.  He packed it with gauze, made some jokes about me delivering while there and sent us home with pain medication.  My husband was bouncing in a nightclub for part time income and thinking that he could sit on a bar stool and check IDs at the door - insanely decided that he would go on to work.

He left me at home with an upset stomach and feeling really restless but tired. My back had been crampy and I just didn't feel right. Having had no previous experience with prodromal labor or even having a baby in the first place - how was I to know what I needed to pay attention to?

About 10 pm, I noticed that I was having more and more regular contractions - but they were not any stronger than the copious amount of braxton hicks contractions that I'd been having for the past two or three weeks.  If I only had known that this was a normal part of the body preparing to begin labor - I'd not have gotten all excited. I should have tried to go to sleep.

By 1:00 am on Thursday, June 11, 1987, I was into a timing frenzy. They were coming every 5 minutes and while they were not taking my breath away or causing me to really have to concentrate on the intensity of the contractions - I was acutely aware of the fact that something was happening to my body.  In hindsight, I hadn't lost any of my plug and the contractions were not gaining in intensity - they just were becoming more and more close together.  If only I had known..... Oh, how I wish I had known.

I phoned the nightclub at 1:10 am and told him that I thought that I was in labor.  His excitement married with mine was a cocktail for problems.  He rushed home and we timed those contractions some more.  He was more excited than a football fan on playoff game day and insisted that we go to the hospital.  The childbirth teacher had instructed us to come to the hospital when the contractions were 5 minutes apart....so that meant we should go immediately, right? Staying at home any longer would surely mean that I'd have the baby before we could get there, right?

We arrived in the ER a little after 2:00 am and they insisted that I be escorted to L&D in the wheelchair.  This should have been my first clue that I was going to be treated as a sick person.  I was too caught up in the excitement of thinking that I was in labor and about to become a mother for the first time to pay attention to the flags that were going up in my mind.

They were busy in L&D, I remember every space on the board being filled with a patients name and their corresponding Dr.  They put me into a small room with an examining table and said they were waiting for a labor room to open up. About 45 minutes later, I was admitted to Labor Room #4 and the chart's first entry was at 2:55 am.  They took a urine specimen and put me into a bed and strapped me to the fetal heart monitor.  I remember them telling me something about having to wear that to make sure my baby's heart was still beating - and thinking to myself that surely if I wore it then it would insure that all would be "well."  Since then, especially in my doula experience, I've become increasingly aware of how much of a role that doubt plays in a woman's birth success.  Just the mere subconscious suggestion that our bodies might not be able of handling birth or that we can't have faith in the process or that our faith belongs in the hands of technology and machines - plants those seeds and it doesn't take much for those seeds to sprout and grow into the size of a giant oak.

I'm not sure if at that point that the contractions were gaining in intensity or if I was just caught up in the excitement that my mental and physical state was promoting. I remember the nurse saying that I was going to "be observed for labor" and that she would come back in a few minutes after getting "some strip" and check me.

She came back and commanded that I 'open up' so that she could check me to see if I was really in labor.  The FHTs were in the 130's and when she checked me, I remember wondering why in the hell it hurt so damn bad....she kept saying that she couldn't reach it (meaning the cervix) but I think now that she was trying to strip my membranes without telling me.  When she pulled her hand out - the glove was stained with blood.  That was alarming to me (no one ever told me that there was something called a bloody show).  I remember feeling so disappointed to hear her words, "Well, you might be in labor but its still early, you're only 90% effaced and not dilated any."  Slump!  I felt my hopes drop. My God!  I had been having contractions for over 4 hours and they were not easy and I should have been much farther along than that.  She said that she was going to go call the Dr and tell him my status and see what he said.

She came back about 3:15 and said that the Dr said to admit me since I was 12 days post term. 

We went through - or I guess I should say that I went through all the 20 pages of admittance forms and questions and I began to notice that I was feeling very crampy (side effect of membrane stripping). I wanted to move around but the nurse kept insisting that I be still so it wouldn't mess up the monitor readings.  My husband was over in the corner, doubled up from his incision hurting and hardly said a word once we were in the labor room.

I wanted to go to the bathroom - really, I wanted to get up out of that damn bed and move around.  The Dr came in about 5 am and I had my 2nd internal.  NO change - I felt the wind go out of my sail even more.  His VE hurt even worse than the other one and I was beginning to experience my first serious seeds of doubt regarding how wonderful labor is.  I told him that he was hurting me and he pulled his hand out - more blood. He left and said, "We'll have a baby today - one way or the other so get comfortable." He walked out the door on that note.

At 5:15 am, the nurse came in to start an IV.  "Why do I have to have an IV?", I asked.  "Because the Dr ordered it" she snapped back.  Once she got the IV in, she pushed Stadol and Sparine into the IV.  I didn't know that she was putting medication in the IV and it was only when she put the side rails up on the bed and told me to stay put because she just gave me medication did I realize that something other than saline was flowing through that tubing. "He just ordered it to make you relax and feel more comfortable" was what she said on her way out the door.

A few minutes later, I felt the room starting to spin.... I felt trapped in a bed with monitors beeping and totally UNsupported because my husband (who was an hour into his pain pill) had been sleeping the entire time in the chair and was oblivious as to the traffic in my room.  I felt like I was going to throw up.....

I pressed the nurse call button and said I was going to be sick and for the next 20 minutes proceeded to empty out my stomach of everything that I had eaten that previous day.  The contractions kept coming but I felt loopy and disconnected and I hated that feeling.  I hated it.  I wanted to get up and move around but I was so afraid that I'd get in trouble if I moved and something might happen to my baby or the monitor straps... I felt trapped.  And I was.

I wanted to get up and go to the bathroom.  I had to pee.  They had pumped almost half of that bag into my veins and I wanted to get up and go pee.  "No, you have to stay in the bed once you've been given drugs....hospital policy.  I'll get you a bedpan." Oh great.

I don't know about any of you people - but I have a mental block when it comes to using a bedpan.  I told her that I wouldn't be able to go and she laughed and said, "when it gets full enough, you'll go, don't worry" and then she left me sitting there with just the monitors and my sleeping husband.  I sat on that fucking bedpan for over two hours until my belly hurt so bad I couldn't breath.  I felt like I was going to be sick again and my bladder felt like it was on fire. My legs were asleep from sitting on the pan at the angle that I was.  This was not working. I decided that I was going to get out of that bed and go to the bathroom.  And I did. 

I remember sitting on the toilet and beginning to cry.  This wasn't the beautiful experience that I had been dreaming about all my life.  There was no miracle taking place.  I was alone.  I was scared.  I was hurting.  I was trapped.  Most of all, I felt alone and frightened.  I just sat there and cried until the door opened.

Yeah, the nurse came in and gave me the lecture about staying in the bed, how it was policy and how she would have to call the Dr to report me if I didn't obey the rules.  She also made some sarcastic comment about me not needing to cry cause that wasn't going to help me birth a baby. She never knocked - just came right onto the bathroom. I didn't care at that point.  She must have felt like she needed to teach me a lesson because about 30 minutes later (at 7:00 am) - my OB came in and told me that I would have to stay in the bed like I was told.  He checked me again and there was still no change.  I'd been there for over 5 hours and nothing was happening.

They should have sent me home.

Instead, they began the pitocin.  It was 10:30 am. Every thirty minutes, someone would come in and increase the dosage.  They had it running through one of those machines that regulates the dosage so it was easy to control it by small increments. The wicked nurse gave me an enema and shaved my bottom.  I've often wondered if it gave her pleasure to humiliate me and belittle me like she did. She didn't once look me straight in the eye.....if only I had known that it could have been different.

An hour on the pit gave me some serious contractions - but with no support and no clue - my sense of anxiety only increased. So did my blood pressure (according to the monitor). No one came in the room and the only sound was my gasping with the contractions and my husband snoring over in the chair. The monitor would signal that the contraction was coming and before I'd even feel the tightening power, I'd hold my breath and just buck back and forth in the bed. 

I felt so alone but more than that - I felt robbed of an experience that I had anticipated to be much different than what I was experiencing. WHY in the HELL had that nurse who taught the classes told us that they were "contractions and not pain"?  Why? None of the books were honest and upfront and factual to communicate that this was what labor is like. I was hurting and I just wanted my momma.  I reached for the phone and called her to come on to the hospital.  My thoughts were that at least she would be awake and hopefully more help than my sleeping husband.

My blood pressure was creeping up and there were more and more variables to the FHTs.  I didn't know it because I was hurting and scared and being hypnotized by the sound of the monitors.  By 1:30 the pit had been increased 3 times and I was now receiving over 1 ml/min.  The contractions were really hurting and when I tried to tell the nurse that I was hurting - she laughed and said to me, "Honey, you ain't felt nothing yet.  You don't know what hurting is." 

I grew to really hate that woman and the condescending bitch that she was.  It would only be with my next birth that I could truly understand how undermining this woman's attitude and behavior was to my birth experience.  She rewarded me a little while later with another push of Stadol, Phenergan (to prevent me from barfing this time) and more Sparine.  I spent the next 2 hours in la la land sleeping while the pit continued to do its dirty deed.

The Dr came in at 4 pm for another VE - 95% effaced and barely a dimple. I swear that I smelled alcohol on his breath but at the time I dismissed it to me being drugged from the pain medication. I do remember him saying that I had an "incompetent cervix" that was "being pretty stubborn" and he'd "need to help it along a little more."  He walked over to the pit machine and beeped up the number a little more.  I know that I saw that number read 1.6 ml/min but I didn't know what that meant.  He said to me on his way out the door, "We'll see some action pretty soon so get ready to hunker down."

The nurses came and went but from that point on, I was pretty out of it.  I honestly thought that my uterus was going to split wide open from the pain.  The labor records indicate that I received another dose of Stadol and that the FHTs were up in the 150's to 170's with contractions of +2 and +3 quality on palpitations.  When a woman is laboring, a trained person can place their hand on the belly during a contraction and feel how hard/high the contractions tighten the uterus.  The higher the number, the more intense and higher on the uterus the contraction is.  A 3+ quality is in the upper 2/3 of the uterus and is a productive contraction.

My husband had gone to the cafeteria for something to eat so he could take another pain pill and my mom was not helping me. She couldn't shut up.  She kept talking about what was on the TV.  She kept trying to tell me what was happening on the monitors....warning me of another pending hellish contraction. She was definitely not helping *me*. Nothing was helping me.  I think back now on that nightmare in LDR#4 and how things could have been SO different had I been better educated, more mobile and had the services of a doula. In 1987, no one knew what a doula was.  All I knew is that I was NOT having fun, and I surely was going to die.

The records say that about 5 pm, I received another VE and was found to be 0 station, 100% effaced and still 1 cm dilated.  Progress was being made but it was very slow.  The records reflect that I received another dose of Sparine/Stadol at 4:45 pm and when the Dr came in for a check about 5:15 pm (because he was finished with his office visits and wanted to know how 'bad' I wanted to have a baby today) he upped the Pit again.  I don't know how much, I just know that he bumped those buttons a few beeps.  I just kept my eyes closed because his VE was still hurting even though he had taken his hand out already. Its amazing (in hindsight) that my body accomplished anything after constantly being drugged and sedated.

I remember crying to him that I wasn't going to be able to do this anymore - the contractions were hurting too bad.  He said I could have an epidural and I wouldn't feel anything but that he wasn't going to turn the pit off because he would 'blow that baby through that cervix if he had to".  I agreed to the epidural  -  anything to stop the pain.

The anesthesiologist came and gave me the epidural. It was uneventful, went in without problem and the only thing that was hard was sitting still while I felt like my belly was going to explode.

I remember him finishing up and tilting the head part of my bed down.... I couldn't breathe and I tried to tell him. He told me to be quiet and relax, that I was just nervous and needed to let the medicine work.  How many times during that whole experience would I be denied my feelings and told to shut up and relax.  I couldn't breathe and my pulse started racing.  I could hear the BP alarm going off and so they opened the IV all the way.  I later learned that BP problems are to be expected when an epidural is administered.  I couldn't move or feel anything below my arms....I couldn't breathe.  I was scared shitless and remember trying to open my mouth to speak but it wouldn't come out.  I just blacked out.

A few minutes went by and I came back around and found myself still in that bed, only this time - the rails were locked in the upright position and I couldn't feel anything from the breast down.  According to the monitor, the baby's FHTs were in the high 160s with variables down into the 130s.

It took about 30 minutes for the pain to go away.  The nurse told me that the Drs idea was to take away the pain so I could rest and then try to get things moving after I took a nap.  They speculated that my previous cervical surgery in 1986 had caused cervical stenosis and that it was just going to be really hard for the cervix to dilate with all that scar tissue. What they didn't tell me was that it is very common for first time mothers to go two or three days with piddly contractions and that when supported by rest and proper nutrition and hydration - that labor begins in its own time - when the baby and the mother's uterus are ready.

Since I was still only a dimple, they couldn't break my water (couldn't get the amniohook through a closed cervix) and the pit wasn't working as well as they hoped. They had tried to stir/strip my membranes several times with no luck.

I am still not sure after 18 years what sensation I was feeling about 6:40 when I asked my mom why the bed was wet........I had had my epidural in place for almost an hour and was supposed to have no sensations at all.  Regardless, I choose now to believe it was divine intervention because when my mom pulled the covers back to see if the bed really was wet - the look of horror on her face told a tale.

She dropped the covers on the side of the bed and I looked down to find a blood clot about the size of a small paper plate.  It was just sitting there on the chux pad, draining its fluid into the bed.  My mom opened the door and screamed into the hall.  The nurse and Dr were at the nurse's station and looked up.    I think my mom screamed something like "Get in here!  She's bleeding out" and they both came running.

What transpired in the next few minutes are still of a blur to me and it all happened so very fast.  He (the Dr) ordered a cesarean "STAT" and wires and tubes and bed rails and covers were flying.  The bed started moving and someone threw a set of scrubs to my husband and ordered him to get dressed.  I don't know what the monitor was reading when they unplugged the wires but I remember the nurse on the gurney and standing over me with her hand inside my vagina while we moved quickly through the doors of the OR.  I didn't know what was happening.

I remember the pillow that I had been using between my legs being shoved under my head and feeling my hair feel wet and matty.  I turned my head to the side upward to see what it was and my hair was soaked with blood from that nasty pillow.  I remember telling the nurse that I had blood all in my hair and on my face and asking her could she move the pillow and I remember her snapping back at me that I had "more important things to worry about right now than a bloody pillow" and I just closed my eyes and begin to pray.

According to the hospital records - she was born at 6:56 pm with apgars of 3 and 4.  The hospital records do not reflect the true course of events (I'm assuming because of liability) and there are several parts of the labor record that were crossed out and written over. My husband remembers them saying that my placenta had separated (called placenta abruption). I don't think that the plate sized clot between my legs was part of the placenta but just clotted blood from bleeding out.  I also don't know how long it was before the separation and when she was delivered.  I do know that it was less than 5 minutes between the time when my bed was being rushed into OR and when she was born.

I don't remember hearing her cry for the first time. I remember feeling like my lower body was being tugged to the other side of the room.  I felt pressure but no pain. I remember hearing the pediatrician issue orders for bagging and suction but it was very hectic and noisy and I couldn't keep my eyes open to pay attention.  I am thankful that the Dr had enough sense to give me a low transverse incision but I am NOT thankful that he used betadine to prep my belly.  I am allergic to betadine and it causes 2nd degree burns on my skin wherever it is applied.  Imagine healing from abdominal surgery on top of skin that is burned  and blistering. Ack! 

The operative report is an identical one to most c-sections....they do say that the uterus was rotated to the side (he wasn't kidding when he told me that he would blow that baby through my cervix, was he?) and that they tried to get a finger in the cervix but it was hard and barely dilated.  The last sentence says that I tolerated the procedure well and left the OR in good condition.

They wheeled me to recovery and gave me a Polaroid shot of my newborn baby to look at.  I insisted that I wouldn't be satisfied with that and enlisted the help of my mother to have them roll my bed up to the nursery so that I could see her (even if I couldn't hold her).  They did but I had to view my baby through the safety glass. She had been taken to neonatal ICU for observation and treatment.  She weighed 10 pounds, 1 ounce and was 23 inches long.

I was in front of that glass for all of 3 minutes before they turned me around and rolled me back down to the recovery room. I kept asking about her, asking to see her, asking to hold her but kept getting every excuse in the book.  The most common one was that all the rooms upstairs were full and I was stuck in recovery and that babies could not leave the nursery floor.  Everyone promised to see what they could do to help me see/hold my baby. Promises but no action.

Because of the high delivery traffic of the previous 24 hours, all the rooms upstairs were full so I had to spend the evening in the recovery room downstairs outside of the OB OR.  The recovery nurses were not used to caring for postpartum patients for more than an hour or two and there were none of the regular supplies for post partum women anywhere in recovery area. 

I was pain free until after midnight.  Everyone had gone home (including my husband) and after a short nap, I awoke to excruciating pain.  I felt like I was dying - and I couldn't move my legs.  I could feel the pain but I couldn't move.  Oh my God, I was having a reaction to the epidural that they talked about in class.  I was going to be paralyzed for the rest of my life.  I had every possible horrific scenario running through my mind. I didn't know what was real or not but I knew that I was experiencing the worst pain of my entire life - beyond any of my knee surgeries.

I reached for the call button.  I pressed and pressed and pressed.  No one answered, no one came.  After what seemed like an eternity of waiting and praying and crying I began to holler for someone to come.  The hollering escalated to screaming and within 20 minutes, I was screaming at the top of my lungs for someone to "Help Me". Over and over I screamed as loud as I could, begging for someone to hear me, to help me, to come. No one came, no one answered. Eventually, the screaming died down to barely an audible whisper or plea for help. Anything, anyone - just help me. Please. I had lost my voice and couldn't speak.

I tried to reach the phone - it was about 6 inches past where I could reach.  I tried and tried to reach that phone to call someone to come help me.  I couldn't reach it. My arms weren't strong enough to pull my whole dead-weight body from the waste down sideways to reach the phone. The thought occurred to me that I was in that darkened room all alone, with the door closed and that I could stay there for literally hours before anyone would check on me or come by.  I felt down by my side and felt the Styrofoam cup that had turned over and what I felt like was a soaked spot on the sheet.  I felt for the straw and used the straw to hook the phone cord sitting on the bedside table.  Once I snagged the cord, I pulled the phone towards me and the base of the phone went crashing to the floor.  Somehow I managed to keep hold of the cord and pulled the base back up to the bed.  I dialed -0- and waited/prayed for someone to answer.

The operator of the hospital answered.  It was sometime after 3 am.  As hard as I tried to explain to her that I was INSIDE the hospital as a PATIENT - she kept insisting that she could not ring patient's rooms or the nurse's station when it wasn't visiting hours. I began to sob into the phone and tried again to explain to her that I was stuck in the ob recovery room downstairs, that I had given birth to a baby girl the night before and that they had left me there, I didn't know if my baby was dead or alive and that I was paralyzed from the waist down and couldn't move and the nurses call button wasn't working.  I tried to tell her in between sobs that I had been screaming at the top of my lungs for over an hour for someone to come help me and it wasn't working. My voice was hoarse and barely recognizable. I told her that I would keep calling until she transferred me. She finally rang the recovery department nurse's station.

The janitor picked up the ringing phone at 3:17 am on the morning of June 12, 1987.  I tried to explain to him what was happening and within a few minutes, the door to the room where I'd been trapped opened and 2 nurses and the janitor entered.  While the effects of the epidural that make you paralyzed had not worn off yet - I could feel all the post operative pain that there was to feel.  I began to cry again, this time from relief.  They set about quickly to work on me. My blood pressure was 150/100 and it took me a while to calm down. They of course, administered pain meds thru the IV and changed the sheets from where I had bled all over them (it wasn't the drink that had spilled).  Basically, they just forgot about me being in there and when the shift change took place - no one knew that I was in there. I know....very poor nursing care.

When I finally got settled and back into bed after one of the nurses bathed me, I began asking again about my baby.  Four different people promised to check on her condition and get back with me - no one carried through with what they promised.

By 8 am, I was really getting on their nerves with asking about my baby and wanting to see/hold her.  I hadn't held my baby yet.  I didn't even know if she was ok.  My husband was who knew where, my mom had gone home and I'd suffered an extremely traumatic night in the downstairs recovery room.  I was moving beyond being upset and quickly approaching the pissed/rage state. My BP was edging up and I was getting on their nerves.  They slipped me something in my IV to make me sleep.

When I awoke, it was after 1 pm.  I called my husband to come to the hospital.  I didn't even bother until later that evening to explain to him what had happened to me.  I was so angry at him for leaving me there alone to suffer the way that I had.  If he had been there, I wouldn't have had the negative traumatic experience that I did. At that point, I just wanted my baby.

When he arrived, I told the nurse that if someone didn't bring me my baby within 15 minutes - then I was going to get out of the bed and go upstairs and see her myself. I had full movement of my lower body and the catheter had been removed and I'd been up to go potty. She must have known that I was serious because she came back and said that she was going to roll my bed upstairs into the stair well space and see if she could arrange for them to sneak my baby out the back door of the nursery.  What hogshit this was but I didn't care - I just wanted to hold my baby.

So, it was the afternoon of Friday, June 12, 1987 around 2 pm, more than 20 hours after she was born, that I held my daughter for the first time.  I marveled at every curve of her facial features, her soft skin, her huge blue eyes, the way her tiny fingers wrapped around mine instantly. I loved her immediately, feeling as if finally I'd found my calling.  My purpose. I lifted my hospital gown to latch her on and the nurse started to try and tell me that I couldn't do that.  "Oh yes I am - this is my baby and I'm going to breastfeed, she's almost 24 hours old and hasn't nursed yet" 

I realized at that moment, that I had overnight developed some balls and backbone that I didn't possess the day previously.  She knew that she wasn't going to get that baby away from me and when she mentioned that it was time for the baby to go back inside the nursery, I looked her straight in the face and said, "I'm not letting go of her.  You just said that she is fine now and doesn't need to be under any more observation and she is staying with me...so find us a room and put us there and then you can leave us be."

And they did just that.  One of the first things that I had them do on the postpartum floor was remove the IV so that I couldn't be drugged anymore to be kept quite and compliant.  When the OB came by that night for his rounds, I told him that I wanted to go home.  He tried to explain to me that I needed to stay a little longer because I was not only postpartum but that I was post op.  I told him that I wanted to go home. My mom would take care of me and I wanted my baby.  I told him I wanted to go home.  He negotiated with me that I could go home in the morning and I agreed.

At 4 am the next morning, I began asking to go home.  I was a pain in the ass to everyone on that floor.  I wouldn't let my baby go to the nursery without me.  I wanted her with me and I was causing problems with hospital policy.  When the nurse tried to explain to me that the Dr would have to discharge me - I reminded her that he put a note in my chart that I could go home.

I called my husband and by 8 am, we were on our way out the door.

I remember the feelings and thoughts that I had running through my head as I was rolled in the wheelchair up beside our car.  I was walking away from a very valuable learning experience.  Never again would I be the victim in birth.  I had been dissected like a frog specimen.  I had been railroaded with protocols, impatience, insensitivity, drunken error and poor/neglectful nursing care.  I had learned.  Never again.

When I got into the car and we began to drive away - I looked back and said to myself, "There has got to be a better way and I'll find it.  I am not coming back here and doing this again."

And so began my journey to VBAC, natural birth and becoming a doula.

[If only I had known......many women have birth stories that mimic mine described in this post.  I love my daughter.  She was worth every second of what I went through and I'd do it all again IF it were necessary.  That's just it though, stories like mine are so UNeccesary.  Women are not presented with options or factual, non biased information about medications, procedures, interventions and natural laboring aids.  They don't know what they don't know.  If only I had known what the early stages of a normal labor were like. If only I had known that I should have insisted to go home when they found me at 1 cm when I got there.  I had the right to say I wanted to go home, even at 12 days post term.  What would it have been like had I stayed up and mobile, if I had labored at home in an environment that I felt comfortable and safe?  What if I had been more aware of the things that were being done to me?  What if I had declined them? What harmful effects did we suffer from all those drugs they gave me?

I'm lucky.  Lucky that my daughter didn't die or suffer permanent braind damage.  Lucky that I lived through a placental abruption and emergency surgery.  Lucky that I was able to get ahold of that phone cord and get some medical care in that recovery room.  Lucky that while I had an intoxicated Dr who upped the Pit too high, I still managed to make it through that horrible experience.

This birth taught me many things - it taught me is that I am responsible for my own health care and well being.  I can't depend on others to tell me what I need to know - I've got to get out there and dig to learn what it is that I need to know, especially the things that are not freely offered.  Only I can be the one to help myself.  Perhaps the most valuable lesson that I learned is that while all births are magical - not all deliveries are something to celebrate.  I was born as a mother that day - but my daughter was pulled from my body in an emergency fashion because of stupid stuff.  My section was necessary by the time it was performed and I'm thankful for that medical procedure but the events leading up to that need were caused by the doctor and a bitchy/know-it-all nurse, not because my body wouldn't work naturally and in its own time.  We never had the opportunity to find out what my body was capable about of in a natural, supported state.

If you are pregnant, empower yourself with making healthy choices and choosing a caregiver who believes in the process of birth - someone who respects you, the power of birth and who will support you to become an educated consumer for your baby and self.

If only I had known.......]

Happy 18th Birthday A, I love you.

Copyright 2005 DDL

Homebirth Article in NYTimes

Its not often that homebirth is presented in the decent light that it deserves in printed media.  Recently, The NYTimes stepped successfully to the plate and got a good second base hit.

You can read the article here (but you have to register which takes about 90 seconds).

The author of the article refers to homebirthers as  "a small but passionate subculture of women" and this hits the nail right on the head. I'm thankful that we weren't referred to as a cult, hippies or some such other crappy nonsense title. There are so many idiotic stereotypes that exist about homebirth and those who chose homebirth that it is refreshing to see a large scale media outlet highlight the benefits of an informed decision such as homebirth.

There are several points (to me anyway) in the article that I find interesting and I'd like to highlight them.

The comment of the obstetrician quoted in the article when he describes hysterics obstetrics as "98 percent boredom and 2 percent sheer terror".  Isn't this superficially funny?  Not.

Upon further examination as to what this comment really means, I can only come up with two scenarios and neither are really impressive to me. How anyone can label the birth of a family and a human being as boring is beyond me...or perhaps he is saying that 98% of the time everything goes like clockwork with no worry and then there is 2% of the time when things can go kind of willynilly and it can be panicky and frightening.  I accept those statistics because research supports those numbers over and over again.  I still think he could have chosen more appropriate words.

I also had to raise my eyebrow at his comment of ""I would find it very hard to deliver a baby at home. They have more intestinal fortitude than I do."
It has NOTHING to do with intestinal fortitude - it has to do with education and responsibility and trust.  Well, I take that back.  In his case, I think it would have to do with fortitude because he would be going against everything that he has been trained to believe about birth - midwives do not approach birth with fear - they approach it with respect and there is a HUGE difference.  I still think that I would have liked to have him say that he "admired" women who birth at home and those women/midwives that attend them - and perhaps he was saying that in his own, roundabout way.

Another interesting point of the article is really a whole paragraph:

"I try not to foster a dependence on the experts, " Ms. Muhlhahn said, sitting in the office of her East Village home, where a yellowing newspaper obituary of Asoka Ray, a pioneering midwife of the 1960's, hangs on the bulletin board. "Even though I have lots of experience I can share, I try to help the mother and father find their own voice," she said of planning for a home birth.

So MANY women and families in this country have a voice in birth - but for many and various reasons those voices are hushed, muffled, or just downright ignored.  Let us just say that I'd like to take out advertising space on a huge billboard in front of every obstetric hospital in the county with this quote on it because we really have become a culture "dependent upon experts."  We want someone to tell us how to do everything, including birth. 

I'm convinced that the empowerment that homebirthers command or experience is threatening to many people and institutions.  It goes against the habits of allowing others to make decisions for us and ultimately be responsible for the outcomes and consequences. When you are at home birthing - its just you, yourself and your support system - no drugs or procedures that might cause iatrogenic complications - - and no procedures that place the mother or baby at risk. You are not in a location that statistically causes the problems that you are being saved from.

I'm thankful that the author presented a few of the studies that have been done to show that planned homebirths are as safe or safer for the mother and baby when compared to institutional births.

I'm glad that she presented the idea of malpractice insurance being different for midwives because of the "relationship" between a midwife and the families that she serves.  Kind of hard to sue someone who empowered you to be responsible for your own choices when presented with options, isn't it?

I also like the fact that she presented homebirth as something that all economic levels might choose.  I am middle class, college educated - and I chose homebirth.  I have friends who are lawyers, PhD, a CEO, engineers, and even Md's who chose to give birth in the safety and comfort of their own homes.  Midwifery care and home birth are not lower quality standards of care that should be available only to lower income families and women just for the sake of taxpayers money.  The cost is much less than that of a hospital birth - but the quality of care is unsurpassed and outcome (as proven in more than a few studies) is better in relation to mother and infant.

Yes, she hit a home run with this article.  And I wrote to tell her so.

Joseph's Birth - Miracle Worth Waiting For

A little history and a gentle warning:  My husband was previously married for 29 years to a woman who was not able to have children.  She died of cancer in 1999.  My husband and I were married in December of 2000. He wanted to have a child and so with determination and over 9 months of trying, I conceived in August of 2001. I had been charting for over a year and I knew I was pregnant before the pregnancy test could detect the trace of hormone.  My husband was finally going to be a father at the age of 55.

This blog entry contains explicit descriptions of my labor and birth as well as personal information that some might consider TMI.   I'll include a few pictures (nothing graphic because I have smudged anything that is a private part as well as faces of my MW and any of her assistants to protect them) but consider yourself warned of content and topic.

       * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The pregnancy was as close to a fantasy as any pregnancy could ever be.  I felt like a million bucks the entire time and didn't miss the horrible hyperemisis that I suffered with the two pregnancies previously.  Could I possibly be having a boy?  Was it just genes (different father)?  Was it because I was happy for the first time in my life?  My sex drive was through the roof and my newlywed husband tried to accommodate my *needs* as best he could.  Working from home has its advantages :)  And so does sleeping with the boss.

The pregnancy was my third, his first.  Viewing the experiences and the changes in my body through his eyes was such a blessing to me.  It helped me to focus on things that I might have taken for granted.  With him, I was able to appreciate the journey to birth. We took a lot of pictures to capture the experience. This following is a 26 week belly shot. (yep, I used to be blond)

My husband and I chose to plan a homebirth, confident in our choice of caregivers and the power of birth.  My weight gain was less than 25 pounds, I was healthy, blood levels looked great, baby was in a great position and we were just waiting on mother nature (and my uterus).

I had measured way ahead during the whole pregnancy and even consented to an ultrasound in January to rule out a twin pregnancy.  It was during this ultrasound that I learned that we were going to have a son.  This boy would be the first boy in my side of the family in 17 children born over the past 75 years.  We were thrilled.

My due date came and went, which was not a surprise considering that I was 21 days overdue with M and was induced with A after 10 days.  I'm a 10 month moma and my babies need more time to cook. I felt wonderful up until about a week after my due date.  I think (in hindsight) that because the pregnancy had been so different from my previous pregnancies that perhaps I had expectations that I might deliver closer to my due date.  My expectations were not to be met on that one.

A week after the due date, I went for a prenatal visit. At this visit I was 2cm dilated and 50% effaced.  I was already a week past the due date and becoming exasperated with being pregnant.  All women experience this and I knew it but I remember sitting in the office of the MW and just breaking into sobs with the declaration that I just didn't want to be pregnant anymore. I had been horribly constipated for over a month and by then and it had been already 5 days since my last bowel movement.  That in and of itself is enough to make anyone feel horrible. 

With the consent and encouragement of the MW and her assistant, we agreed that I'd try some castor oil the next morning (as much to move my bowels as to stimulate labor) and then follow it with some black and blue cohoshes throughout the day.

During the day on May 21st, I had sporadic contractions.  About 3:15, I lost some of my plug and became more and more encouraged as the contractions began to take on some regularity and intensity.  My bowels had in fact moved and God! , I felt better. When I went to bed that evening....to see if the contractions would die down or continue - they piddled out.  Labor was not to be for me that day.  I waited 3 days and repeated the castor oil to help myself have a bowel movement - and experienced the same results. I decided that the glass on my patio door needed cleaning so I set out to do just that.  I could barely bend over because my belly was so huge and cumbesome.

After a week later - a week filled with rest and as many distractions as our friends and family could muster, as many orgasms as one 10 month pregnant woman can handle....and another week without a bowel movement, I tried the castor oil again the morning of Sunday, May 26th.  By 3 pm, the contractions were regular and about 5 minutes apart.  I was moving around and talking and laughing and I really didn't believe that I was in labor.  My husband was a nervous wreck (with this being his first time) and insisted that we phone the MW.  When they phoned the MW (I managed to hold them off until after 5:15), the contractions were about 3-4 minutes apart and lasting over a minute. She told my husband that she couldn't get there very quickly so she called for the assistant to come on out ahead of her. The assistant arrived about 7 pm and within an hour, the MW and other assistant had arrived.  At 8 pm, I consented to a vaginal exam (known here on out as a VE) and I was only 3-4 cm dilated, 60% effaced and the baby was at a -2 station.....great progress they said - but I thought that was bullshit! I knew that this wasn't it.  I was ticked at the attention and activity and it was not helping me.

My contractions continued on but by 10 pm, it seemed as though they were fading again.  This was the same scenario that I had been experiencing for almost 3 weeks.  This pattern of contractions that stop and go and sometimes wear you out are what is commonly called prodromal labor. The MW decided, and everyone agreed that the best course of action would be for everyone to go home and come back when things picked up again.  A laboring woman who is "watched" feels stress and that works against the labor and release of hormones necessary to facilitate labor.  Thank God - I could finally be alone without having to kick them out of my house.

By 11 pm, I had eaten a few scrambled eggs, had a good cry in the shower and apologized to my husband and doula friend (who came from TX to be with us for a few weeks before the birth while we waited for the birth to take place).  Everyone tried to make me feel better and encouraged me to get some rest.  Before I went off to bed, the doula performed a birth trick on me during one of my contractions that were piddling out again.  This trick is described in Optimal Fetal Positioning and involves gently lifting the belly during a contraction to aid in the alignment of the baby so that it can press upon the cervix and aid in dilation.  We laughed and I cried and tried to coax my body to do what it was supposed to be doing but up until that point seemed to be dedicated to resistance.

At 3:00 am, I awoke to what I thought was just remnants of the castor oil.  I got up to go potty and realized that the sensations that I was feeling were contractions.  Within 3 contractions (which were back to back) I realized that things were VERY different and I tried to make my way down the hall to the bedroom where the doula was sleeping.  My thoughts were to get her up with me to keep me company and let my husband sleep in case this was another false alarm.  Having him asleep would buy me more time and less scrutinizing.

I remember standing in the doorway to her bedroom and having her roll over in the bed and lift her head to my birth noises.  I couldn't speak - just breathe.  She was immediately awake and standing beside me.  She asked to wake my husband and I shook my head yes.  When he came into the den, he found me on my hands and knees backwards on the loveseat rocking back and forth.  Having no previous exposure to birth except seeing a few videos and the melodramatic lunacy that is called TV - he didn't quite know what to expect.  He wanted to call the MW right away and I just shook my head in agreement.  Labor was truly underway and it was quick and it was fast and it was intense.  It was very intense.

The doula and my hubby begin to set up the birth pool (a kiddie pool that we had gotten from the MW) and I got in.  It took less than 10 minutes to set up and fill because we had practiced the previous week and my husband knew how to do it quick.  Ahhh.....I can't even begin to describe to you how it immediately took the pain of the contractions away.  I was laboring beautifully.  My doula would later recount to me of how in awe she was of me as I moaned and moved in the tub with the contractions. I kept my sounds low and loose and kept remembering the saying that I always tell my moms - 'loose lips = loose cervix'.  I kept making horse sounds and managed to cope with all the contractions with relative ease.  I was already in a place that natural birthers affectionately refer to as 'labor land' and I was now cooking with gas.

A little after 4 am, I began to feel grunty.  I also began to feel nauseous.  I vomited.  This would have frightened and annoyed me before but I knew that one vomit was worth 5 contractions and I welcomed it.  I also knew that it was a sign that I was more than halfway through and things were working wonderfully.  I still was not feeling any "pain" but I was aware of the intensity of what was happening.  When I vomited the 3rd or 4th time, hanging over the side of that pool, I felt my water release/break.  I reached down to try and figure out what was touching the inside of my leg.  It was trailing membranes and I just swept them away. I could see tiny bits of vernix and birth matter floating in the water but we knew to expect this and my doula just took a fish net and scooped the matter into the trash.

My hubby was getting a tad bit antsy because the MW was not there yet - and neither were any of the assistants.  My contractions were increasing in length and strength and so was my husband's anxiety. He never got out of control - but he needed the doula's encouragement.  She later told me that she knew he would do well because his nature is to nurture with gentleness and affection and he would be no different during the birth.  He was doing great.

At 5:50 am the MW, her two assistants and the person who we had asked to videotape the birth all arrived with 2 or 3 minutes of each other.  The team set about laying everything out on the coffee table and preparing for a birth.  Once everything was set up and ready, she asked for permission to do a VE.  I agreed and she found me to be 8cm and really stretchy.  They recommended that I take a trip to the bathroom to empty my bladder and commented that the movement would do me good.  I remember them encouraging this several times but I'd have to sit backwards on the toilet with my head resting on the back until the next contraction was over because I didn't have time to get to the other end of the house where the pool was before another contraction would wash over me. While in the bathroom for the second time, I began to have a bloody show and I knew that we were getting close. The MW and the assistant were checking fetal heart tones every 5 minutes and they were sounding perfect.  There were good variables and excellent recoveries (heart tones slow down and speed up with different stages of contractions and that is normal)

I could not get back to that water quick enough.  The contractions were all over me and they HURT while out of the water.  Once back in the water - there was no pain....only intensity.  Had I not experienced this phenomenon personally - I never would have believed the water to be the experience that it was.

By 6:15am or so, I felt myself becoming 'grunty' and mentally marked that as a sign that my body was pushing even without my helping it.  The MW massaged my cervix through a few contractions.  At some point, I think around 6 am, my husband had gone to wake up M so that she could be present for the birth.  She was a bit scared and nervous but she was more excited that her new baby brother would soon be here.  I don't remember any of this taking place because I was SO internal by this point that I was not aware of any of my surroundings or the people in the room.  I just remember looking up at some point and seeing her sitting there beside the pool on that little stool.

At 6:30 am, I was 9cm and the baby had moved down to a station +3.  I began to push a little to try it on for size and see how it felt.  It felt great to push so with each contraction, I tightened down. Within 10 minutes, he had moved to a +4 station and I could feel the head with my hand.  This is perhaps the most incredible feeling that I've ever experienced in my life - - feeling my baby moving down and being able to feel his body within me....from the inside as well as from the outside.  It was very motivating to me to feel him from both sides. I pushed harder.  There was never any shouting, any cheer leading counting or chanting "push!Push!Push!" crap that is so common on TV and in hospital delivery rooms. I kept touching his slimy and mushy head and I could feel the occipital points and how his head was molding to my birth canal. 

All during the pregnancy, I had been visualizing what I wanted the birth to be like.  I'd developed it into the time of day, room, those present, details and more details.  I wanted my baby to be born as the sun came over the mountain - so that meant that it would need to be in the early part of the day.

Before I began pushing, my doulafriend had been on her knees pouring warm water over my back and belly.  I remember her whispering to me, "Look out the window....everything you've been visualizing and wanting and preparing for is about to happen....the sun is coming across the mountain."  I felt a deep sense of satisfaction and gratitude.

I had only been pushing for 22 minutes when I felt that immediate ring of fire and announced to the room that "he's coming." I was still in the warm pool of water on one knee (imagine a person proposing on one knee).  The MW placed her hands on mine and supported his head as it slipped over the perineum.  God!  What a relief. I was pushing with every bit of energy that I could find and giving it all I had. I could feel his head between my legs and there was excitement in the room as we all held our breath waiting for his body to rotate so the shoulders could be born.

A few seconds went by and nothing happened.

A few more seconds went by and still nothing happened.

The MW told me to "Push, push your baby out" in a stern but not panicky voice. I said back to her, "I AM pushing but nothing is happening" so she instructed me to stop, she stuck her hand up around his neck into my vagina and felt around. 

All of this was done by touch because my bottom was still in the water.  She announced "we've got a nuchal arm, let me get my pinky around it to free it" and she did and within 2 seconds - my baby whooshed into the water into my hands.  For those who don't know what a nuchal arm it - his arm was bent at the elbow with his hand trying to get under his chin so his elbow was preventing him from rotating so that his body could be born.  Once she freed the arm - his body lunged out of me. 

I moved my leg over his body and leaned back against the side of the pool. I pulled him up to my chest and they covered him with a towel.  I sat back right into my husbands arms and was covered by his tears. 

He was born into our lives at 6:55 am on the morning of May 27th, 2002.  I looked out the window and there was the bright sun, leaving its signature upon the mountain.  I can still hold that image in my mind and go there at my mind and soul's request.

Everyone in the room was crying.  Tears of joy were free flowing.  One amazing journey coming to an end and another beginning, all at the same time. The MW assistant was scooping warm water from the tub and gently pouring it over the towel that was covering our baby's body.  I looked between his legs to confirm that in fact it was a boy and it was.  That genitalia looked so different than what I was accustomed to but I promised myself that I'd get used to seeing something different.

I asked for the phone so that I could phone A who was still living in south Georgia with her father.  That call was placed at 7:05 am on Memorial Day.  I was overcome with emotion and the adrenaline was surging through my veins.  Less than 5 hours ago, my body got down to business.  Once things got going, there was no time to waste.  Our family had been born. My husband was finally a father.....experiencing the miracle that he had been waiting his whole life for and thought that he'd never have.

The MW asked for permission to clamp the cord.  Only 9 minutes had gone by and normally, we would have waited for the cord to completely stop pulsing before cutting it (no matter how long that took) but she wanted to take a blood sample from the cord for typing so that we'd know the Rh factor.  If the baby's blood was Rh negative, then there was nothing to do, if his blood was Rh positive, then I'd elected to have a Rhogam shot administered 24 hours post partum.  By testing the blood from the cord, our baby would be spared having his heel pricked and bled.  Since one of the reasons that we'd chosen homebirth was to avoid procedures and treatments that we considered not necessary (one being heel pricks and sugar testing), we elected to have the cord clamped at that time.

Within another minute or two, I felt another contraction and knew that the placenta was on its way.  The next contraction expelled it into a pan held between my legs.  I stepped out of the tub, they wrapped me into a warm towel from the dryer and I walked to the other end of my house and stepped into a warm waiting shower.  I washed my hair and body and then they dried me off, I put on my new blue nightgown and slipped into bed where I nursed my son.

We called a few more friends to announce his arrival and the generic question that everyone wanted an answer to was "How much does he weigh?"  We had not weighed him yet and so the assistant began her newborn exam.  Everything checked out perfectly - he was just really big.  We entertained the guesses to his weight and length and had a few giggles and I recalled a Canadian friend of mine who had projected that would weigh 11 pounds.  I almost shot her when she entered that in our baby pool two weeks earlier.

I watched the assistant's face....then listened as she exclaimed, "Oh My God. Would you look at this."  The MW looked at the scale and then looked at me and raised her eyebrow....and said, "I wouldn't have guessed him to be that big but that boy of yours weighs 11 pounds."  I just kind of fell back against the pillow....and then I began to laugh.  My first thoughts were, "Damn!  I just pushed an 11 pound baby out of my body and that stupid doctor from my cesarean told me that my pelvis was too small for an 8 pound baby....what the hell did he know?"

He was 11 pounds, and twenty three inches long.  His head circumference was over 15 inches.  He nursed with vigor from the start. When his nuchal arm was released, and he shot out of there so quickly, I tore a little bit and elected to receive a few stitches to my second degree tear.  While I got my bottom stitched, I watched as my husband sat holding his son and listened to him telling him about how much his daddy loved his mommy and how long he had waiting to become a daddy.  It was truly touching the depths of my soul.  All was well.

My parents arrived a few hours later and my sister a little while after that.  I rested in the bed for a while as everyone waited on me hand and foot.  I received phone calls and congratulations. I was as high as a kite and I loved it.

Our birth was gentle and perfect in the way that best suited our family.  Homebirth is not for everyone but I am glad that it was an informed choice that we could make for our situation.  I have serious doubts as to whether I'd have been able to birth an eleven pound baby flat of my back with legs spread eagle in a hospital.  They'd have not practiced that patience and trust that my MW had.

I will always cherish the perfection that this pregnancy and birth held for me. It is the pinacle for which all my other births are measured.  I wish that the postpartum period and nursing relationship had been as good as the pregnancy and birth - but you can't have everything, right?

Anyhow, today my son turns 3 years old.  Three years ago today, I was birthing my baby at home in the water.  I know that this experience changed me forever. 

It is with a heart full of love and gratitude and wonderful memories that I celebrate today - and share those memories with you.  I've created this post a week or so in advance of the publishing date because I know that I'll be busy with graduation activities and not able to do it then.

Happy Birthday Joseph.  I love you.

Don't Condemn What You Don't Understand

I can't believe I'm doing it.  I'm arguing in favor of a statement that the medical establishment is making regarding birth.  This time its about waterbirth.

In recent years, waterbirth (the practice of laboring and birthing a baby while the mother's body [but for sure the vaginal opening] is completely submerssed in the water) has come under fire from several medically and politically birth related communities and printed journals.  The most recent is the American Journal of Pediatrics with the editor offering his personal opinion of, "watebirth is a fad, should go away, and is ridiculous."

This month in the May 2005 issue of Pediatrics, there is a commentary
from the US Committee on Fetus and Newborn. Fourteen doctors put their name
on this document that (among other things) concludes:

"The safety and efficacy of underwater birth for the newborn has not
been established. There is no convincing evidence of benefit to the neonate but some concern for serious harm. Therefore, underwater birth should be considered an experimental procedure that should not be performed except within the context of an appropriately designed RCT (randomized controlled trial - BH comment added) after informed parental consent. "

Well - I have to agree with this. EXCEPT that I only agree with it from the perspective of the OBs working in an institutionalized setting. They do not recognize research or the decades of experience of people that don't do that research or have the experiences in the setting that they prefer = hospitals.

No, WB (waterbirth) has not been established as "safe or efficient" in a hospital setting. Not according to their standards.

For me, there are several reasons why:

1) When a woman births in water, she is not in a lithotomy position. This position facilitates her being watched and controlled (I don't mean controlled in the sense that most think - I simply mean that her vagina and perineum isn't front and center for the caregiver to be "hands on" or to quickly respond to complications that h/she is certain to have occur)

2) When a woman is laboring in the water and out of a bed, there are too many obstacles for the staff to overcome from a legal or monitoring standpoint. ie., telemetry monitors are still not 'standard' in obstetrical units across America.

Women are better managed from an efficiency standpoint if they are (a) in their rooms and in their beds where they are supposed to be, and (b) when they are not causing confusion in the hallways of hospitals by moaning and screaming out (you know those birth noises that women make?)

3) There is no motivation to prove that WB is safe in a hospital setting because there is no financial profit to be realized with a waterbirth.

Epidurals are running from $750-$3800 (according to the latest statstics) in a hospital setting and women are singing their praises like winning the lottery (just listen to the average birth story from a mainstream woman who touted her experience of watching TV and playing cards while she experienced a pain free labor until a nurse came in and told her that it was ok to go ahead and push).

When women are not complaining about something and money is being made on procedures - there is not any motivation to find another alternative. Almost everyone practicing birth the way they do in a hospital believes that currently they have the best system for birth. Women are happy and they are making money to keep the doors open. In my opinion, they can not see how false their security blanket is.

4) Hospital settings are breeding grounds for certain types of germs. A hospital leaves itself WIDE OPEN for liability (that they have no way, whatsoever, to defend themselves from) without having a Waterbirth Standard Of Care [SOC] in place. If some kind of infection or less than perfect outcome happens for the baby or mother, one might try and blame waterbirth. What kind of germs did the previous patient in your hospital bathroom/birth pool have? What kind of infection did the cleaning person bring from a room down the hall that they just cleaned? AIDS, Hepatitis, Herpes, Staph, etc.?

This almost seems moronic because the simple thought would NEVER occur to anyone to have disposable blow up pools like we use at home because that's just too simple of a concept and there are too many legal requirements to meet certain standards regarding equipment and materials. Besides, nurses are not paid to blow up pools for women to birth in - they are paid to monitor the monitors, pave the way for Doctors standing orders and provide care to women to get the desired outcome - - - a live and viable infant born in the quickest amount of time, at the least inconvenience to the staff and at the most cost effective way possible.

5) Doctors are not trained in WB. They are trained in surgery and correction of situations and conditions that deviate from normal (according to the information, education and training that they have received) The problem with this is that with all the manipulation of normal birth that has taken place in recent years - they have now morphed for themselves a 'new normal' that is not normal birth at all - - it is the new creation that they have made and are working hard to convince the public and birthing women as the truth. Educational systems for institutionalized birth will only support something that they can control and understand so that they can train med students on how to "do it". WB is not like sewing up an episiotomy or performing a cesarean. WB infers that the body will work on its own, without intervention in most/all cases and that there is nothing to do but just observe. Drs aren't trained to just "sit and observe". To them, its not part of the environment that they created.

6) I can only suggest that the reason that they won't listen to the thousands of people who have been successful with WB and the reasons and research behind it is because it does not fit the medical model of birth. To them - the medical model of birth is the safest and most effective. Sure, there are Drs and caregivers who support WB but they are so few and far between and it is STILL seen by the multitudes as something of a "fringe movement." Some are condescendingly referring to it as a "fad". They mention 'concerns for harm' and I think they mention it rightly so - untrained physicians, no understanding of the benefits of WB and most of all FEAR (of unfavorable outcomes from something they don't understand and the liability hovering overhead)

So yeah, it is experimental. Thousands of women and families every year are reaping the benefits of waterbirth and living to love their birth experiences. Other women are being denied the opportunity to experience those benefits and furthermore are being totally mislead by unfounded personal opinions being shared by people of influence and political power.

I'm not naive enough to believe that every single birth event turns out perfect.  I'm not even saying that women who choose waterbirth (in a hospital or home) always have a perfect outcome.  What I am saying is that waterbirth is not new, its not a fad, and it is not something unsafe to the majority of lowrisk women. 

Lots of benefits and understanding are available to women for the asking.

To learn more, I encourage you to visit Waterbirth International, Waterbirth Info Website, and Gentlebirth: Waterbirth Research. Be forwarned - some of the content is graphic and birth related - proceed at your own choice.

You'll learn about the studies that have been done (which refutes the notion and claim that no evidence exist to confirm the benefits and safety of WB) and you'll be able to see some beautiful photography of babies born in the water.

My son was born in the water.  I planned to deliver my last baby in the water but when I stood up to change positions because of a persistant anterior lip and she came quickly, I didn't have time to get back across the room and back into the water.  There is a difference between waterbirth and what our crowd sometimes calls a 'dry land birth.' I can only speak of facts and my own personal experience of birth and as a doula - waterbirth is not married with the risks that the medical establishment is out to promote.

To wrap this post up - I ask you to think about the points that I've made today and to think about why such a community would campaign to condemn something that they don't even understand.

To be continued.......

The Greatest Place To Have a Baby

Frequently I hear or read of someone boasting of the superiority of American Healthcare  over that of other countries. Obstetrical healthcare has long been a passion of mine and I'm always on the lookout for more information and involvement in that area.  Some might say that birth is a soapbox of mine. I'll concede to that.

Recently, the CIA released the latest Infant Mortality Rates.  Were you even aware that such information existed?  Were you further aware that there are 42 countries that rank better than the United States of America?  Were you aware that there are 23 countries that rank better than Canada?  Were you aware that 27 countries rank better than the UK?

But wait!  I thought that the USA was the best place in the world?  It might be if you are a religious right wing conservative who loves GWB but it certainly is NOT the best place if you are concerned with the outcome of your child's life.

Why isn't someone paying attention to this ranking?  Better yet - WHY isn't someone making a difference in the outcomes?  It wouldnt be acurate to say that nothing is being done because I am and have been involved in groups and movements who are working diligently to change the ranking and outcome but it is accurate to say that the AMA and ACOG have more money and political clout than those who I'm working with so our efforts seem like spinning wheels in a huge mudpool of life.

What are the Top 10 countries doing that we aren't?  They view and treat birth different than we do, including but not limited to using midwifery as the 'standard of care' and reserving technology for emergencies and not "routine use". Breastfeeding is "the norm" for nutrition.

ACOG and the AMA argue that our rates are as low as they are for several reasons, all which seem superficially logical but not at all truthful when examined fully.  The trouble with our society is that it is easier to "watch and listen" than it is to "read, examine and think" about the information being fed into your head.  We don't always recognize the magnitude or weight of the information, its value or validity, and how it shapes our belief systems.  This is not just in regards to "birth and pregnancy".

Sure, we have medical advancements that have saved lives.  I will never argue against the appropriate use of medicine.  What I will argue against is the fact that someone is supporting the notion that it is acceptable (for whatever reasons) for us to rank where we are in the rankings and moreso that the way that pregnancy, birth and women's health in general are being managed is "superior".

If our technology and system is SO GRAND....then why are there so many countries better than us?  Why do 80% of women in our country require epidural anesthesia to labor and delivery their babes?  Are our women so different than the women of these other countries and their ability to give birth?  (my answer to that is yes on the emotional level but no on the physical level but the explanation will have to belong to another blog entry)

Why do more than 26% of women in our country require a surgical procedure to delivery their babies? Why has pregnancy come to be considered as an illness or 'risk'?  Why are hundreds of thousands of people dying each year from medical mistakes?  I could keep asking questions until day after tomorrow but I recognize that there are no easy, instant or patented answers.

I just ask you - as a woman, mother, husband, father, sibling, grandmother, grandfather, man, politician, statitician or medial person......what can we learn from the countries that rank better than us? And even when the obvious is pointed out to us repeatedly - why do we not take responsibility for making the necessary changes.

Is the answer in your wallet?  Is the contents of your wallet worth all the lives that are marked forever in a negative way from the way that you have manipulated the system and philosophies of normal pregnancy and birth?

What would it take in this country for us to improve our ranking?

But What If Something Happens?

It is the question that everyone ask.  If they aren't asking it, then they are thinking it.  It (the question) is most often followed by the explanation and diatribe of how they (the person telling the trauma story) would have died (or the baby died) had they not been in the hospital.  I usually smile and comment that they are probably right, it sounds like they were in the place that they needed to be and I leave it at that. I'm not out to change that person's mind, nor am I interested in giving a short lesson on how wrong they are (most of the time).

October 1, 2004 was my due date, according to an early ultrasound to date the pregnancy.  This conversation that I'm about to relate to you took place on October 8th at a Friday night mixer for my 20 Year High School Reunion.  Yes, I went 350 miles out of town when I was 8 days post term.  I knew all along that I would be fine and told everyone that the baby would come sometime between the 15th and the 20th.

I couldn't miss the reunion.  I had looked forward to this event for over 18 months.  I had planned and worked my butt off and besides, I was the chairperson of the planning committee.  Do you honestly think that I was going to miss being there in person if I could help it?  I had arranged in advance for our MW to travel to Savannah with us.  Should the need arise for her services, she would be within a few minutes of me and we had a plan of where we would go and where I would deliver.  I knew deep in my heart that I would not need that plan.

I hope to talk some other time about the reunion itself because it was a double edged sword weekend which left quite an impact on me personally but I will save the details for another post.  What I would like to do now is share that conversation that my husband and I had with the husband of one of my classmates.

I was visibly and enormously pregnant.  I was suffering from edema (swollen feet/hands/water retention) and was having trouble standing.  This was due to a condition that I suffered from where my pubic ligament separated.  That, however is not what is important here.  Everyone who spoke to me had something cute and smartass and idiotic to say to me that evening.  I was working really hard to keep the subject off of my belly.  We (my husband and I) found ourselves at a table with one of my classmates and her husband.  We were casually talking about having babies - he and his wife have 3 and I listened to this man and my husband exchange jokes about their recent vasectomies. This woman that kind of gripes my butt came up to the table and made some comment about me being so far away from my MW and my home and what if I went into labor while there......blah blah@@.  She walked away and I tried to go back to the conversation and the husband asked me about if I was referring to "getting back home to have the baby" as in "my" home....or just my home town. 

He seemed innocent enough and I really had been enjoying our conversation (my hubby never left my side the whole night) so I just took a deep breath and said, "You probably would consider me a bit unconventional - but I have my babies in the safety and comfort of our home - as in where I live, sleep and eat".  His eyes got kind of wide and he came back at me with, "But I'm sure you have an OB, right?"....and the rest of the conversation went something like this......

Me:  Sure...we have a backup OB but we don't use him unless I have a medical emergency and transport to the hospital, which I'm confident wont happen.

Him:  (I knew it was coming and I was ready) "But what if something happens?"

Me:  "Like what?  Give me a scenario and I'll see if I can respond to it."

His wife:  "Wash Lady (no, that is not what she called me but I am still trying to write anonymously here) - my husband is a nurse anethisist....all he does is epidural management for OB patients and a few GYN surgeries......"

Me:  (thinking that I might actually be able to have an intelligent conversation with a medical person who was appearing to be open minded - sat up in the chair and said) "Really?  That's great.  You probably are pretty familiar with the ins and outs of labor then....given what you do and that you've been through 4 births (they lost a baby at 29 weeks).... I'm not belligerent in my thinking.  Homebirth is not for everyone, but I'm glad its a choice and option available to us because it provides me with an environment that supports the kind of birth that both my husband and I want for our baby and our family.  My pregnancies are very healthy, my son's birth was a dream......(hubby interrupted me to say that our son weighed 11 pounds at birth and my labor was less than 5 hours with a 2nd stage of only 22 minutes.......... (me coming back in with) -> "Do you want to talk about the what ifs?"

Him: "Well, you could do the what if game till day after tomorrow."

Me:  "yeah, that's true - but surely as a NA, you must have some kind of concern about something happening that I could address or a scenario that might make you feel like being out of the hospital would be considered 'dangerous'?"

Him: "Well I know that MWs don't do sections at home."

Me: "Yep - you're right....I'm sure its been your experience in your work that most things have a warning period before it gets out of hand....little things that you look for that let you know things are out of the range of normal. Right?  Once she comes to our house with her team..."

Him:" You have a team of MWs?" (I was going to say that they don't leave, no matter how long it takes & no shift changes)

Me: "Yep - 3 of them....plus I'm a non working doula right now so there's plenty of knowledge and experience there with all that birth power.  Anyway....she monitors me closely and you know yourself that MWs only deal in the 'normalcy of birth' and that if something is going outside the boundary lines....then she is aware of it probably before a FHM would pick it up in the hospital. If we have to transport - 99% of transports are not life threatening emergencies.....but for things that just need some assistance."

His wife: "What if the baby isn't breathing when its born?  Both our 1st and 3rd had to have oxygen."

Me: "MW carries O2 and is highly trained in infant resus, as well as if something goes haywire with me."

Him: "In my line of work - I see about 70% of women's uterus NOT clamp down after birth......I guess the thing that I would be most nervous about is a bleed out......that doesn't always give a warning and you could actually die before a transport happens and I KNOW the MW can't give you a transfusion at home....."

Me: "Yep - you are right, that can be an emergency... but let me ask you something and please give me the benefit of the doubt here...... how many women have you seen bleed out that have not been augmented or induced with pit and who don't have an epidural?"             (he just kind of sat there dumbstruck but not in a negative way)

Him: "ok......as far as the pit, or some form of augmentation.....probably about 65% of them have been augmented or induced.......(and I said while I kind of laughed) -> "and since we know what you do for a living.....I know none of them are without an epidural in place, right?" (and he went on to nod his head and kind of laugh)

Me: " Its my birth philosophy as well as my experience that completely natural labors - those without induction or augmentation from pit and without an epidural in the system........and those that the placenta is left in place without traction and allowed to come when ready.....RARELY experience a bleed out (the amount is less than 1.5%)......would you agree or disagree? 

Him:  "well I might not have as much experience in completely natural births as you do but it would make sense.  But what happens if you are that rare one who does have a bleed out at home?"

Me: "what do you do in the hospital if she bleeds out or the uterus won't clamp down?"

Him: "We administer pit thru the IV"

Me: "Fair enough.  At home - our first line of defense is a good offense. I don't have all the drugs in my system and my placenta isn't tugged at.  My baby comes immediately to my chest and against my skin so that my maternal hormones can start on overdrive production.....my baby is ON ME and not in a warmer across the room being subjected to a bunch of procedures that can wait or that aren't even necessary in the first place......some time following the birth of the baby, the baby goes to the breast where the nipple stimulation can help with the birth of the placenta and the clamping down of the uterus....

Him: "But what if it doesn't? Without the pit - you could be doomed?"

Me: "Who said we were without pit?"

Him: "Pit is only available in the hospital."

Me: "Yep - right again....but methergine (which is the same as pit) is available anywhere that my MW goes....she carries it in her bag with her at all times along with all her sutures and other goodies.  Her bag is better stocked than a paramedic who comes upon an emergency or precipitous birth........so does that make you feel more at ease now that you know that a bleed out could most likely be addressed and treated at home?  She would give the pit, assess, and decide if a transport is necessary.  Does that make you feel better?

Him: "yes"

Me: "anything else that might be of worry to you as a medical professional?"

Him: "A bleed out would be my highest concern...... I can't believe you birthed an 11 pound baby at home......."

Me: "I bet you'll have something good to talk about when you get back to work on Monday with your colleagues, huh?"

Him, (laughing in a relaxed way), "Yeah......gather around men..... you aren't going to believe what I heard about this weekend, I met this woman who had an 11 pounder at home..."

Me: "Just be sure to remember that those who birth at home are not against you or medicine....we just prefer a different approach....and I haven't met one yet who is reckless or stupid or irresponsible.....so please don't let your buddies make us out to be that way.  ok?"

Him: 'ok.....but they're going to think you are really weird"

Me: "I know..... I'm used to it.  But have you seen anything about me that would lead you to believe that I wouldn't care about my baby or myself?  Does my husband strike you as a husband or father that would put up with something that was too dangerous for his wife or child (this man had commented several times thru the night about how attentive my hubby was being to my needs and how caring and tender he treated and tended to me so I felt like it was a good point to compare in the conversation).....Don't let your buddies, or yourself for that matter lump me or those who make choices like I do into a category based on ignorance.....we aren't ignorant.....and despite the rumors and the people in ACOG who want women to believe that the hospital is the ONLY SAFE place to birth.....home is safe for many people and we are proof of how well things can work if supported in the right way in a right environment....."

At this point.....someone walked up to our table and said something about overhearing that I have my babies at home.....and I said yep....and they shouted, "WHY?" and I realized then that I didn't care to try and converse with this person.......so I just said, "well, its a personal and private choice that really doesn't have anything to do with a high school reunion."  I moved quickly to change the subject.

When I saw the NA and his wife the next night.....before I left, he hugged me and said, "I learned a lot last night and I hope everything goes well for you.....we sure would appreciate an email when the baby arrives and let us know how it goes."

Me: "If I send you a birth story - you gonna share it with your partners in crime?"

Him: "I might"  (and he winked at me and we said our good nights and good byes)

>>>>>>>>>

I expect to be seen as an intelligent person who made an informed decision about her birth, her baby and herself and to dispel the myth that we are left without any proper medical backup or attention/care and that the hospital is the ONLY SAFE place to give birth....it just ain't so.

Maybe what he was exposed to will have some impact.....maybe not.  The conversation was stimulating for me anyway......and I had a pretty good time talking to him.

If there is anything that you wonder about happening and would like to ask about how it would normally be handled at a homebirth - please feel free to ask.

Yes - the possibility always exist that something could happen.  That possibility (IMO) is higher at the hospital because of all the interventions & routine procedures.  In the absence of a medical complication - I'll take my risk in the safety of our home.

My Birth Beliefs

Recently, I was having a conversation with someone who was asking me about how my husband and I came to the decision to have our children at home instead of a hospital maternity ward.  She also asked about how we handled comments and ignorant rejection of our choices by people and an establishment who thought us "irresponsible" and negligent with our baby. 

I'd like to share my response to her.  It came in the form of a list of what we "believe in" and how that affected our birth choices.  I have not c&p'd everything that I wrote to her because some of it is not appropriate for this type of forum.  One thing that I've always paid great attention to is validating everyones feelings and concerns.  In my sharing what I do below- it is important on the reader's part to recognize that there is a huge variance of positions and opinions regarding birth.  Just because you (collectively) believe or think differently than me does not mean that either of us are wrong.  There is no one right or wrong way to labor and birth your baby; just as there is no one right or wrong way to parent your child.  With that said - allow me to share a bit of my philosophies regarding birth and why I made the choices that I did.

I welcome inquiring comments and questions but any nasty/potty-mouth, ignorant accusatory slams will be ignored and deleted.

We decided to birth at home for the following reasons:
1)  We believe that pregnancy and birth are normal, physiological functions of a woman's body and that unless a clear medical indication presents itself - that all pregnancies are perfectly unfolding as they should. They are not medical conditions to be "managed" or manipulated or "fixed".  Hospitals are for sick people and pregnancy is not a sickness.

2)  (in most normal circumstances) We believe that a woman's body will instinctively know when the time is right to begin labor (don't need pharmaceutical inductions) and that if supported in the best environment for the woman (home for us) by the most appropriate caregivers (MW for us) and surrounded by the best support system (our older children and the assistant for us) then she will labor in the most optimal way for her....on her OWN schedule.  My first baby was an emergency section in 1987.  She almost died from iatrogenic complications (Dr. caused).  My 2nd baby was a vaginal birth in a birthing center with a MW in 1991.  My 3rd baby was a home/water birth in May 2002.  He weighed 11 pounds and was born with a nuchal arm.  I am not confident that I could have birthed him in the lithotomy position (flat on my back with legs spread eagle) had I been in the hospital.  My last birth, in Oct. 05 was at home and while I planned to be in the water - you can see that it didn't work out that way.

3)  We believe that sometimes - the priority in the hospital is procedures, liability, protocols and convenience of staff and not our wishes for what is best for us or what we desire in a birth experience or what we consider to be best for our baby's health and well being.

4)  We believe that we have the ultimate right to decide who attends our birth and more so that we have a right to touch our baby and bond with it gentle ways as opposed to being staff-handled in the name of procedures and protocols and "routine" stuff.

5)  We opted not to receive many of the newborn tests and procedures routinely done in a hospital and didn't want to have to fight the system (these include but are not limited to - eye ointment, vaccinations on the newborn, vitamin K shots, circumcision, heel pricks/blood  sugar testings, observation in the nursery, administering sugar water to an infant, pacifiers, etc)

6)  The infection rate in hospitals is high (especially in this area) and I am accustomed to my own germs at home.

7)  We preferred the availability of birthing in water and no hospital in this area would permit us to birth this way.  At home  - we had it.

8)  I have a previous uterine scar and am considered higher risk in these areas.  I preferred intermittent fetal monitoring with a doppler/fetascope as opposed to constant machinery in the hospital.  I preferred to be up and mobile as opposed to flat of my back in the hospital.  I preferred to eat/drink at my will as opposed to an IV and ice chips (or nothing)  in the hospital.  I preferred my own clothes (or none at all) in my own home without feeling inhibited in an unfamiliar surrounding and being exposed to people that I don't know who are "just doing their job" by coming in and out of my birthspace.

9) We believe that for healthy, no/low risk women, that home is as safe or safer than being in a hospital. We are aware that thousands of people die each year from medical mistakes, negative drug interactions, and hospital acquired infections.

10) At home, we will be encouraged to utilize many and various coping techniques.  In the hospital, drugs and anesthesia are the most common type of 'help' repeatedly suggested to laboring women.

Regarding what people say and how they react. I know I don't know you and you don't know me but let me preface this and say that I'm about to be very blunt....so be advised.

You are an adult.  You shoulder the responsibility and the privilege of making decisions about your pregnancy and your birth.  Not others. You can not base your decisions on how other people react to a decision that belongs to you and your husband.  You own the power for your birth.  You can choose to give that power over to another person or institution....but you still have the ultimate power.  You have a duty and responsibility to learn as much about pregnancy from balanced and accurate sources so that you can make an informed decision that is best for you and your personal circumstances. 

MOST people have that kind of reaction (how could you do something so stupid?)because they are not educated or familiar with the benefits and safety of homebirth and midwifery care.  What they believe is what they have seen on TV and heard from others (and often - its a competition on who can be the most dramatic and problematic).  Very few people have ever been exposed to what I call "pure birth" and that is one with the expectation of normalcy in everything and without interventions and so on.

My encouragement to you is to think about what your basic belief system is regarding birth.  Read and learn and investigate and take in as much as you can about homebirth (there are several books that I can recommend to you and LOTS of information on the web), ask questions, read homebirth stories to expose yourself to different options and then come back and think about your belief system again. What do you value?  Choose the pathway that best supports your belief system and proceed.  When people meet your decision with skepticism - you can address it or ignore it (I can help offer encouragement and suggestions on how to deal with it) and keep focused on what is most important to you.

You probably have a long list of "what ifs" regarding homebirth.....and this might be a good place to share those questions and concerns.  Ultimately - you decide where and how to give birth but if you don't know your options, then you don't have any.

Best wishes on your birth journey,

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Added today:

Is homebirth for everyone?  No.  Is hospital birth for everyone?  No. Do hospital birthers across this nation have options for what they want?  Yes.  Do homebirthers have legal options in every state with a system that supports the normalcy of birth?  No, not in every state.  Some women in some states hide, lie and go underground to have the safe birth that they want.  That is a shame.

I'll address the "what ifs" in my next installment.

The Truth and Nothing But The Truth

Recently, Karla over at We're Having A Baby shared her thoughts and feelings here about pregnancy and how things started out for her.  This is the first time that I've ever made a post out of someone's previous comment on my blog, so I hope that I don't violate any rules of blogging etiquette or step on any toes while I get on my soapbox share my opinion and experience.

I am not a fan of ACOG (American College of Obstetricians & Gynocologist).  I am not a fan of AMA (American Medical Association). I deplore what they have done to women, how they make excuses and justify their actions, all in the name of "helping" women.  I would like to preface this by acknowledging that there are exceptions to every rule and women in many and various places are having satisfactory birth/pregnancy experiences because of a good relationship with their caregivers.  I'm happy for these women; I really am.  Unfortunately, happiness and success is not always what a woman carries forward with the birth of her child and they fail to recognize that the very "emergency" that they were rescued from was in fact caused by the system that eventually saved them.

In my line of work (doula and VBAC support leader for 7 years), I had the opportunity and burden of listening to women tell of their birth traumas stories. The words and feelings that kept resonating were "If someone had only told me" and "If I had only known then what I know now".  If I had a dollar for every time I heard those words - I could feed a 3rd world country for a month.

These same women were the ones who origianlly knew more about their home appliances and their vehicle's accessory packages than they did their birth options.  You know what?

If you don't know your birth options, you don't have any.

And even when you do know of your options, if you don't speak up - then someone else will choose for you.  It is very naive to think that the person making that choice for you has your best interest as the only and main priority.  Often, they have their liability as the main priority, the Dr. & staff convenience and their protocols/procedures next and then your safety and comfort comes in right after that.

Why does all this happen?  I have a few theories; however, we don't have the time for me to tell everything that I think.  After all, this has been my soapbox for over 17 years now and I've accumulated quite a collection of stories and anecdotes and opinions.

I want to focus on a particular point with this entry and that is in relation to this part of Karla's comment:

In the end, my decision to go with OB was based on fear of the unknown in pregnancy (all those "what ifs") that, like you mentioned, perhaps more patient education would have helped resolve and change my decision making process.

I believe it would have.  I also believe that it goes MUCH deeper than this.

Think back, as far as you can remember to when you were a little girl (or boy - because I do have male readers) and the first exposure that you had to pregnancy and birth. It may have been through a personal experience with your mother and the birth of your siblings, another family member, a relative, a neighbor or through something that you were exposed to through the media.  Our society as a whole has some weird and obsessive perversion towards the dramatic and the traumatic factor, as if 'plain ole normal life' isn't ever good enough. This makes for good television drama - but it makes for problems and VERY poor outcomes for pregnant women and their families.  Pregnancy is not an emergency nor is pregnancy an illness (in MOST cases). We are not more valuable as an individual because we claim to have suffered more than the next person.

We, indoctrinated by the media and their false sense of reality, are exposed daily to the "worst case scenarios" through the television and print media.  We learn from an early age that all kinds of problems and potential disasters lay in wait for us, for our unborn babies and we are so overwhelmed with the "what-ifs" that we surrender our authority over to  a medical provider under the assumption that they know everything there is to know about anything and that they have our best interest as their ultimate goal.  We do this and then we learn......sometimes, the hard way.

The media and the medical profession try to 'put one over on us' regularly too.  Recently, there was a study claiming to US women that having an epidural in place before 4 cms does not increase the risk of cesarean section delivery.  Did anyone actually READ that report that they were featuring?  Some did.  I did.  What I found interesting, and saddening at the same time, was that the story that the media communicated was NOT what the actual report claimed.  The actual report claimed that availing the use of an epidural before 4 cms did not increase your risk of cesarean WHEN COMPARED to the use of narcotic drugs.  Did any of you hear mention of narcotics when you heard/read the media exposure to that recent report? 

What did the average listener hear and take with them from that report?  I know that Brian Williams of NBC Nightly News was making jokes about how if we had only "known" that "women suffered for nothing and could have had the epidural at the very first sign of pain (or discomfort)" that we would have chosen differently.  The listener heard exactly what the obstetrical and anesthesia association wanted them to hear - get an epidural as quick as you want because there is no risk. 

Never mind the countless research studies released in the past decade that claim/prove that epidurals increase the risk of surgical delivery, lower apgars, cause blood pressure problems with the mother, and spinal problems for mommy well into the first few years of your baby's life.....the list goes on.

Now - think back to being in the presence of others who have recently given birth and to the *way* they tell their stories.  What way are you being persuaded and encouraged to view pregnancy and labor and birth?  Are you listening to horror stories of how terrible the pain was?  Or how they thought they were going to die untill they got the epidural?  And then there started to be decelerations in the monitor and they needed an "emergency" section (45 miutes later)?

Ask yourself:  Did the staff encourage other forms of non-medical pain management?  Movement. Warm/hot water.  Rocking.  Deep breathing. Release of fear.  The support and company of a doula.  Massage. Or did the staff leave the frightened laboring woman flat of her back in a bed while family members made jokes and wrung their hands because they couldn't do anything to "help make the pain go away" and sat fixated on a monitor that entertained everyone with the baby's heartbeat and recorded the activity of the uterine muscle. Was the woman told not to move so the monitor didn't mess up or was she given ways to deal with her labor?  Was she afraid or was she confident that the pain had a purpose and signified that her body was working just as it was designed to work and that everything was going right and normal?

Consider this scenario.  You eat healthy.  You take measures to make sure your body is in optimal shape physically and emotionally.  You and your spouse are proactive when considering conception and you are prepared for the pregnancy that you are nurturing.  You arm yourself with information (on both sides of the scale) but you view everything through clear glasses (as opposed to rose colored) and with an attitude and assumption that EVERYTHING will occur and unfold just as it is meant to be, perfectly in its own way for your body and your baby and that within you, you have the ability and capability to make the best choices and bring your baby into this world without all the medical intervention. You selected a caregiver who supports the concept that pregnancy is a normal physiological phase that a woman's body goes through and knows how to handle it without problems.  Some might think that this is naive or that we can't afford to stick our heads in the sand.

Those people are right.  We can not afford to stick out heads in the sand any longer. Except this time, what we can not afford to do is ignore the other side of the information.  We can't affort to ignore that 95% of pregnancies will go perfectly when supported by proper nutrition and left to develope on their own.

What would it have been like for you Karla, if the caregiver had told you that over 60% of the kinds of heart condition that was detected with your ultrasound eventually work themselves out?  That it is part of the developmental process?  Equally important - what would it have meant for you and the emotional distress that you and your husband experienced for those few weeks?

"What Ifs" can be debilitating to people if we let them.  We can choose to believe in "the process" or we can succumb to a medical system that has the potential to make things more complicated than they need to be....that can leave us with scars (figuratively and literally) that have permanent ramifications.

You can be paralyzed by the "what-ifs" and make choices (or allow someone else to make choices) out of fear.....or you can arm yourself with information from many and various sources who present both sides of an opinion and issue, educating yourself so that you are the one making an informed choice and decision.  When you are informed and educated - you are making a decision from a position of power and strength. When you depend on your caregiver (who makes money off of procedures and complications and who may not believe in the success of the process) then you run the risk of being at a disadvantage when it comes to having the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I'm sure there will be more on this topic.