Life's Laundry

We Own Things and Love People

Tired...that's what I am this evening.

Today, I unpacked 7 large boxes of boys clothing that I've been stuffing in the storage closet for 3 years.  Next week is the drop off dates for the local children's consignment event and I've said that I was going to participate for 5 years now and never did.  This year I was committed to changing that cycle.  So today I moved those boxes out, sorted all the spring/summer clothing by sizes and then threw away things that were damaged or too ratty looking to sell.  I was pleasantly surprised as the day went on that I have some really nice clothes to put into this event.  Most of them are compliments of my mother in law; however, there are some things there that I chose and the difference in the taste of clothing is obvious.  No matter who purchased them, all of them are nice. 

I was able to launder, hang and tag over 160 pieces of clothing - all collared shirts with the exception of 15 pairs of pants and about 20 tshirts with designs.  Tomorrow I will tackle about 50 pairs of shorts. I hope to finish all of the boy's clothing pieces by tomorrow evening and since I'm not a football fan outside of SEC, I'll be able to work into the evening.  I should finish the shorts by mid afternoon and be able to go through his train set pieces and other toys that have been packed up with the seven boxes of outgrown clothing.  Big Brother announced to me this afternoon that he wants to put the "train stuff" into the sale as long as he can have the $$ that comes from those items.  I felt like that was fair; he hasn't played with the trains or the train table since before the fall and some of those train pieces were $25.  They will make another child happy because there are years of playtime left in them with the great condition they are in.

Monday morning I will try and start on girls clothing.  If I'm able to get as much done with them, then I'll be amazed.  Even if I don't do any of Little Sister's stuff at all, I'll have enough.  Every year when I have shopped this event, there are never any boys clothing and apparently, during the volunteer opening day, all of the boys clothing size 4-12 gets bought up within just a few hours.  Those items were my main priority because I felt like I could make the most money there.  The supply can't meet the demand and I have a ton in this category.

My pointer finger is so frigging sore from pushing safety pins through the tags and fabric - I hope I'll be able to use it tomorrow after church.  The finger hurts but the soul feels good.  The closet is completely empty of all those boxes and I know that on Monday all those clothes will be gone.  Whatever doesn't sell at the consignment event will go to a local women/children's shelter.

And to prevent this from happening to me again (having to spend days preparing) I have cleared out the top hanging shelf in Big Brother's closet and when I transition the clothes out this winter, I'm just going to move them on the hangers to that top shelf and go ahead and tag them so they'll be ready come August/Sept when the fall/winter consignment event takes place.  There won't be any need to pack items in boxes anymore and have all the energy stagnant and stale in my house.

I realize that my writing is scattered but I'm just putting it out there as I think about it....one of the things that I've really been drawn to these past few weeks is simplifying my spirit, our home and relationships.  It isn't part of any resolutions but has been something that keeps calling my name more consistently.  Today's activities were very revealing to me in this journey that I'm on.  There is no reason (no matter who buys them) that a male child would need 20 something shirts the same size.  Especially given the fact that we do laundry each and every single day and that clothes are rarely dirty more than 18 or 24 hours.  Its just stuff and it takes up emotional, spiritual and financial space.  And when that space is taken, abundance and love and joy have no room to move freely.  I guess its safe to say that I"m on a path to more simple living and I'm happy with that.

We own things, we love people and value those relationships.  We don't need boxes and an enormous amount of clothing or things....we need love and spiritual connectedness with others who are good for us in healthy ways.

What's taking up room in your life that needs to be cleaned out?

To........

.....stimulate your thought process (for or against)

.....put a song in your heart

.....see different people from all over our country

.....hopefully inspire you towards action

.....put a smile on your face

Click here

5 Inches Gone

For a few weeks, Little Sister has been asking to get her hair cut.  I've continued to confirm that she really was stuck with getting it shorter.  She was.  Our appt. was yesterday and here's what we came up with.

Here's her before, posing for the camera. (She wanted it documented so her two bigger sisters could see it.

     

 

And here's her, sweeping up the huge pile of hair that was trimmed off..... (despite the bland look on her face, she was very pleased with her new hair do.

 

 

This picture made me even more aware that she's growing up and becoming her own person with her own wants and thoughts about how she looks.  This whole hair cutting event was a bright spot in my weary day.  Tonight was an even brighter part of my day when we confirmed that it is so much easier to wash and takes about 7 minutes less to dry.  She was prancing and around the house flinging her hair everywhere.  What fun and what a joy to be happy with a hair cut.

Words From The Backseat

This has been an emotionally challenging day.  I'm hormonal and things are not going well with my friend.  Those two in combination with each other do not mix well. I cried on and off for most of the morning after talking with her and then with another friend about her.

I longed for the comfort of my younger children and for their hugs and the life and vitality that they represent. I picked up Little Sister from preschool and was inquiring about her day when she said to me from the backseat,

"Momma, life is not for the weary."

She's only four years old and I don't know where she got that or what made her say it but she did.  And she is right. When I tried to find out, she said she didn't know.  I've held them close today (along with the tissues).

What Makes A Lifetime?

People come into your life for
a REASON, a SEASON, or a LIFETIME,
when you figure out which it is,
you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON .....
It is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a God send ~ and they are. They are there for the REASON you need them to be ... then, without warning, any wrong doing on
your part or at an inconvenient time, they will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, sometimes they walk away, and sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What you must realize is that your need has been met, your desire fulfilled, and their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON .....
It is because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But ... only for a SEASON.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons ..... Those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to good use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

I'm touched by the simplicity but profoundness of these words.  This concept sheds an entirely different light on past relationships, both in my immediate real life and on line.  I no longer grieve those people but feel a great sense of gratitude for the purpose that they served in my life.  My hope is that I was able to serve some purpose in theirs as well.  All of it was for a reason and a season.

It's the lifetime people that I struggle the most with sometimes. Learning to let go of someone who is in the lifetime category is hard.  Watching someone walk the journey to their death is a very humbling experience.  Being invited and able to walk with them is even more profound and humbling. 

What determines if someone lives a lifetime in 2 days, or 20 years (like my sister), or 43 or 44 (like my friend who is battling cancer) or 104 (like the women in yesterday's local obituary)?

What makes a lifetime?

It's up to each of us to determine what makes a lifetime...and perhaps some of us never really know for sure - but one thing I do know is that it's those relationships that fill in the spaces and make it all worthwhile.

The Two Most Important Days.....

...of your life are

the day you are born

and the day you realize why.

The Fog Is Lifting (Somewhat)

Since November, I've been in a funk of sorts, a depression of fog that has not been fun.

I've hinted and even fully disclosed some of the things that have been a noose around my neck and I'm thankful that I've got some friends who have offered good wishes and hugs and support.

The medical profession says I have Seasonal Affective Disorder.  My shrink says I am clinically depressed brought on by grieving the escalating terminal illness of my lifelong friend, my neighbor says I'm over stressed from all the responsibilities, my kids probably think I'm just mean and bitchy, my pastor suggested that I'm on a spiritual journey of self discovery and a deepening relationship with my creator, and MusicMan says that I'm hormonal and tired (but recognizes the validity of all the other observations/diagnosis in this paragraph).

What ever the reason......I wanted out.  I still want out.  I feel closer to the edge....not the edge of disaster but the edge of the fog.  Sometimes my mind won't shut down.  Sometimes I can't sleep.  Sometimes I want tonot eat.  Sometimes I want to go out and conquer the world.  Sometimes I just sit and cry because I'm caught on a roller coaster of self pity/loathing and then on a mission to make things happen.  I mean, if you just sit in self pity, it only gets worse.  If you focus on what you can make happen and get moving, then you can build momentum.  I want my momentum to be moving in the right direction.  I want an upward spiral....not a downward one.  I just needed a bit of help to get that first foot forward.  The second was easier and by the time the fifth one came, I had a bit of momentum.

My personal business is back on track. If there's been any saving grace during this past quarter, it's that I've got a very loyal client base that loves to continue to do business with me and a prospect list that keeps on giving.  I've got an ever increasing filled calendar and I've got some medication to help me keep my head above water.  I've also got a loving husband who is patient while I find my way out of this funk.

I've also got a more clear picture since the fog is lifting.  And any improvement is just that - improvement.

Go In Peace

Today I received a small note card in the mail from the person who I wrote about this past November who discarded our friendship over a misunderstanding that she didn't seek clarification on.  At the time, it was all my fault (according to her) and I learned some valuable lessons during that time. I cried on and off for a month or so about the burning of that bridge.  She said some things. I said some things in response.  It ended there and I had not heard from her since the middle of November.  That was a huge adjustment for me since we often talked daily and at least several times a week. I was surprised to find the note in my mailbox and read it with a cautious curiosity.  She half way apologized but again explained that her behavior was due to being hurt so much.  I wasn't sure how and if I should respond.  It seemed more like her wanting to make sure that she had the last word and to justify her behavior. Taking it at face value might make it her meager attempt to apologize and re establish some sort of connectedness.

The way that our friendship came to an abrupt halt was devastating for me and to me.... but because life is not always about me, I came to accept and reconcile that some people have more room for baggage than they do for people.  I can't cure someone's ills or meet unrealistic expectations nor can I be everything to everyone - especially when there isn't clear communication on what is expected of me as the partner in the relationship.  I don't read minds.  I quit trying that a long time ago. Still, I grieved for the loss of this friendship specifically relating to the things that were said to me. 

When I replied back in November, I didn't hold my tongue but I also didn't use it as a weapon either.  I was clear and concise.  Still, it was over and it hurt.  It hurt deeply.

I replied today with best wishes for her and her future - whomever is part of that.  I just know it won't be me.  MusicMan wanted to know why I couldn't just draw a line in the sand and step over it and create another phase of our friendship.  I'm not the personality that draws a line and steps over it.  Is that because I'm not willing or able?  Is that because the hurt and betrayal and words were so sharp that they don't heal?  I'm no longer consumed by the thoughts and answers to these questions and honestly, I had not thought of her since before Christmas until the note came today with her return address on the envelope. I encouraged her to go in peace and be happy.  And here's the good part, I know that's my true feelings and it's another chapter in my life that is closed and I'm at peace.  Our friendship was for a season and that season was wonderful for me and holds great memories.  That season is over and it's time to move on with gratitude.

Have you had a relationship in your life that came to an end that you eventually found peace in the absence of that relationship?

Let Your Journey Begin

I'll never forget today.

I heard words that stirred me in a profound way.  I saw images that will forever be etched in my mind.  I felt emotions that were mine as well as ones that mirrored other's experiences.  I shed tears for people and victories that I can't fully comprehend. I was proud as an individual and as an American to watch Obama stand on that platform and place his hand on that Bible.  I was mindful of the many sacrifices as well as the mistakes that those who came before him have made. I marveled at the complexity of such a grand occasion and everything that it took to pull it off.

I long for a stronger people who live in purpose and not fear. I long for a leader who is inspiring and not arogant -  A people who live in community and not in solitude.  Most of all, I long for a brighter future for my children and grandchildren in a world filled with love and hope.

To President Obama, to the millions of Americans, to the spirits that were with us today from the civil rights movement - here's to you.

To all the roads you've traveled.  Now let your journey begin.

A Letter From The Wise One

Dear Friend,

I say what I'm about to say not as an authoritarian who knows what is best for you or has all the problems in her own life solved...but as someone who understands what it is like to be gripped and strangled by hatred and resentment towards one's self disguised as hatred and resentment towards others.

The past 90 days have been such a transition for me and I am being transformed even as we breathe today.  So are you.

The question is "what" are we being transformed into?  Someone who is bathed in the grace of God or someone who is in the grips of resentment and self righteousness?

You say/write/believe that you are not still connected to the people that have betrayed you, that they don't have any control over you, that you don't care what they do and yet - you are quick to point out all the ways that they have failed with their life and the choices that they make. 

You have a love hate relationship with your children...you love them but you hate their behavior and how they have not lived up to your expectations of their lives.  You so desperately desire a close and healthy relationship with them but you are so wrapped in the hurt that you experience in that relationship with them that when they reach out in their own way towards you - they are blocked or turned away.

You recall former experiences with people/employers whom you abhor and the horrible treatment experienced and how happy you are to be rid of that - yet you are still enthralled within it'sgrips by the resentment that you are propagating in your spirit.  You feed it like an addiction that you can't stop.

What are you being transformed into?  What direction are you moving?

Is it possible that you spend so much energy focusing on others because it is too painful to focus on yourself and your past failures, mistakes and the ways that you have hurt others/self?

Having walked in these ill fitting shoes recently, I am painfully aware of how (over time) we can allow ourselves to be consumed by poison.  We can't see it because it's just seeping slowly through our veins and then it's all in us before we know it.  It's in everything and it's robbing us of joy and most of all - peace.

Instead of living a life that we enjoy, we are confined to catching glimpses of what we once had or what we strongly desire. We hand over our lives to "what if" and "if only so and so would do such and such" and we no longer experience living in the here and now with an ability to recognize how we actually do have some form of control over who we are and where we are going.  True joy/peace/grace can't get to us because there's too much "noise" blocking the good things.

I beg you to find a way to change direction.  You deserve so much more than what you are breeding in your soul.  The list of enemies that you have battled is long but the biggest one still remains and that is your self.  You have people who are willing to risk being with you and loving you as you navigate this transition and stage in your life. There are people who are waiting to come into your life and bless you.  They can't get to you because you are blocking them with your baggage and your noise.

As difficult as it is, look at yourself and take an honest look at your self.  Grapple with the disappointments and really be real with who and what you are.  This place is not pleasant....it's a mire of filth and failure and death to many beliefs, people and things.

The good news is that as you emerge from this place of sludge,  and you CAN emerge, you can choose to leave behind the filth and poison and noise.  You can emerge with a cleaner spirit and make room for the light that is waiting for you.

Aren't you tired of the dark?  I know I am.  Won't you come forward with me into the light?

The Wise One