I just got off the phone with Hospice and we are down to the last days, perhaps hours.
I am so torn.....
When we last visited face to face, I shared with her that I had been invited to speak at our annual convention to a group participating in the trainer's program for excellence. This is the highlight of my career with this company and something that I put on my 'dream-board' last year. It's happening. I explained to her that this was such an incredible honor and something I've worked for but that I would not go if it meant that I would miss being with her when she needed. Long story shorter, she and I agreed that I would go and that she'd try and not die while I was gone.
She's been non-responsive for 36 hours now. No one can give a "time frame" but it's close.
I don't care about how much preparatory grief someone goes through - it still hurts and feels like my soul is being being sliced with razors. I hate this and I want it to be over soon.