It was difficult to come home yesterday. My heart is torn between the people that I love in two different places of this state. My family was so happy to have me home and I spent last evening with my children helping them complete their valentines and talking about the people we love. In our conversations about death and how we are sad when people are sick and dying, Big Brother suggested in his innocence that the next time I go to see my BFSK, I should take cinnamon rolls to her because that makes anyone feel better. What a welcome bit of laughter in the midst of a heavy hearted moment.
To be in my husband's loving embrace makes the world seem a million miles away with all it's sickness and grief. I am especially thankful that he has arms that make me feel secure and that words are not always required. I know this has been such a struggle for him - listening to me think out loud and process my grief. I have been so careful to be conscious about how tender this is for him, even after 10 years. He can't meet most of my needs in this journey but I do know he loves me and hurts with me. He shared very poignant and tender words/feelings with me this morning and I know they will sustain me through these next few weeks. God, thank you for my husband.
As with any time you're gone from your home and family, there's a lot of things to take care of upon returning home. I've got clients calling to check on me and place orders and I've got things coming up that need attention. Since part of my heart is in Savannah with my friend, I'm struggling to find balance today. I'm praying for serenity, courage and wisdom. I'm choosing to focus on the things that I can affect and what needs to be taken to task here today with me. I do these things because it's what we do but also because it helps me to find balance and prepares me for when I will be able to travel there again and be with her. I'm conscious of the fragility of time and how precious it is.
I feel a gentle peace today even in the midst of the grief and purpose of everything I need to do.
Thank you to everyone who has commented and even sent private emails of support and encouragement. Finding balance is much more tolerable and easy when we know we aren't walking alone - no matter what the journey.
Here's hoping you find and feel that balance and that it's wrapped in a healthy wonderful kind of love and peace.