Today I received a small note card in the mail from the person who I wrote about this past November who discarded our friendship over a misunderstanding that she didn't seek clarification on. At the time, it was all my fault (according to her) and I learned some valuable lessons during that time. I cried on and off for a month or so about the burning of that bridge. She said some things. I said some things in response. It ended there and I had not heard from her since the middle of November. That was a huge adjustment for me since we often talked daily and at least several times a week. I was surprised to find the note in my mailbox and read it with a cautious curiosity. She half way apologized but again explained that her behavior was due to being hurt so much. I wasn't sure how and if I should respond. It seemed more like her wanting to make sure that she had the last word and to justify her behavior. Taking it at face value might make it her meager attempt to apologize and re establish some sort of connectedness.
The way that our friendship came to an abrupt halt was devastating for me and to me.... but because life is not always about me, I came to accept and reconcile that some people have more room for baggage than they do for people. I can't cure someone's ills or meet unrealistic expectations nor can I be everything to everyone - especially when there isn't clear communication on what is expected of me as the partner in the relationship. I don't read minds. I quit trying that a long time ago. Still, I grieved for the loss of this friendship specifically relating to the things that were said to me.
When I replied back in November, I didn't hold my tongue but I also didn't use it as a weapon either. I was clear and concise. Still, it was over and it hurt. It hurt deeply.
I replied today with best wishes for her and her future - whomever is part of that. I just know it won't be me. MusicMan wanted to know why I couldn't just draw a line in the sand and step over it and create another phase of our friendship. I'm not the personality that draws a line and steps over it. Is that because I'm not willing or able? Is that because the hurt and betrayal and words were so sharp that they don't heal? I'm no longer consumed by the thoughts and answers to these questions and honestly, I had not thought of her since before Christmas until the note came today with her return address on the envelope. I encouraged her to go in peace and be happy. And here's the good part, I know that's my true feelings and it's another chapter in my life that is closed and I'm at peace. Our friendship was for a season and that season was wonderful for me and holds great memories. That season is over and it's time to move on with gratitude.
Have you had a relationship in your life that came to an end that you eventually found peace in the absence of that relationship?