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October 25, 2008


Miss Jan

Dora, I wanted to tell you that I am thinking about this, and I've been in a similar situation and how it played out. I have a cake due out tomorrow so I need to start it, but I'm going come back tonight. Feel better soon.


I wondering what your gut is really telling you.

My suggestion would be to give the woman one chance. Meet with her to tell her where she isn't meeting expectations and then outline again future expectations. Tell her what are deal breakers for you. Ask her if she thinks this is going to work for her. Give her an out in case that's what she's really looking for.

Then - and this is the hard part, of course - follow through.

I hate being a boss. I'm better at advice than follow through.


I don't have any trouble with follow through as long as I know what my plan is.

I want to tell her what my expectations are. If she wants and out, I'll take it without grudge. What I do not want is a waste of my time, money and energy as I experienced last time.

I'll most likely phone her tomorrow afternoon and tell her that I would like for her to work on Monday and when she shows up, I'll be prepared with what I hope will be a non threatening list of expectations and ask her if she is willing to commit to those things and if not, then it is time for us both to find someone/thing else and move on.

My gut is telling me that I don't like to be taken advantage of or disrespected or lied to. I am not willing to pay someone to treat me like that.

I like the mention of the "deal breakers." I had not thought of that verbiage and it fits right into what I'm thinking.

It doesn't help that she is coming in after the history that I had with the last assistant....however, I was very clear about my reasons for letting my last assistant go and the current asst. indicated that she completely understood. If she wants out, don't dick with me. Just say this isn't working and move on.

If my head weren't so fuzzy, I could see this myself but I'm glad I have you guys (gals) as backup.


As you know, I'm never one to mince words. It's my opinion is that she has to go.

She doesn't take your work seriously. If you had a brick and mortar business, (a store or restaurant for example)it would be more apparent how flagrant her disrespect is. As you wrote, this is your life. It's not a silly hobby, and it's not frivolous girly parties to play with make up. It pays your bills, feeds your family and other women depend on you. If your report is accurate, she is unreliable. Period. When she does show up, her work is shoddy. Think of how much time you had to spend checking over the "work" she did for you. Pfft. With help like that, you'd make better use of your money if you used it to replace your bathroom tissue.


Just to clarify - since it's internet, and you can't see or hear me, that I think YOU have been very kind, very nice, and very accommodating. This assistant has taken advantage of that, and it tells you everything you need to know about her. It's the kind of person that she is, and I don't think she will change even if she wants to. Her constant state of crisis is her comfort zone, and she expects sympathy for it. She is probably incapable of surviving unless she is in that mode, otherwise she'd just turn the cell phone off when she was 'working". She can't pull herself from it. Unfortunately, these are the sorts of things we can't tell in interviews. They only play out in time. Her tardiness was your first clue, and it escalated as she became more comfortable with you.

Miss Jan

I think the definite deal breaker talk, with the understanding that if she can't,or doesn't follow through, she is absolutely gone no questions asked.


I completely disagree with MusicMan. I feel that you have been more than tolerant with your assistant. I am not sure that keeping her on as your assistant will be beneficial to you or your business, considering the numerous errors she made on her last day of work. Do you feel you will be able to move forward without worrying whether or not she is making mistakes that you will have to fix in the end? (Fuzzy head here too!)

I'm thinking of you and hope that all will work out in the best interest for you and your business!


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