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February 07, 2006

Comments

Judith

It's nice to know I have something to look forward to in my middle age after my dh kicks it and I inherit his millions (note: sarcasm).

Judith

Sorry, forgot to answer the second half...Although, there is a huge double standard here, women did tradionally marry man considerably older than themselves. This was the case for several reasons, first and foremost, I believe it was because the men had "established themselves in a profession" an now had the means to support a family. Secondly, it had to do with physciacal, as well as, emotional security.

trisha

first response....why?
doesn't matter if the tables are turned.
sometimes it does IMO.

We're talking a nearly 30-year difference. Also a 21yo is more than likely living more in present and not REALLY giving THAT much thought to the future. Is a 21yo really capable of understanding the decision of this difference? When I was 21, I believe that I was very mature for my age, but I'm not quite so sure I would have really realized and understood the age difference in health/attitude that would take place in the next 10-20 years or so.

My parents are around 30 years older than I and I guess that I have a hard time seeing someone my age becoming interested in that way to someone my parents' age. Also in observing my parents (and their friends), going from 40-50 I really noted no difference, 50-60 not too much difference, 60-70 (mine are in their early to mid 60s) I can definitely see a difference in the last 5 years. They are still healthy and extremely active but yes there is a difference in their health and attitude (not saying it's bad or anything--they are just at a different phase in their life--it's like they know they have just gone over the peak of a mountain and different things are MORE important to them now), and they tend to take/do things more "carefully" than they used to because of their age and because they want to stay healthy and active.

There's a difference in growing older and growing up. At 21, even 20 years would seem like a a big difference to me. At 30 years old, a 20-year difference would still be a little bit of a difference but not like it would be if they were in their early 20s. There's just a lot of "growing up" that goes on in your 20s no matter how mature you are. By the time you are in your 50s I like to believe you have done all of your "growing up" and are just mainly growing older.

dulciana

When the age difference is that great, I'd be very concerned if the younger partner were younger than 30. There's a big difference between the maturity level of a 20 and 30-year old - the degree of difference starts to lessen after that. I think it would be a highly unusual situation if a partnership between a 21-year-old and a 50-year-old worked out as a happy lifetime commitment. Which gender is older matters not at all to me. I happen to be 10 years older than my hubby, as a matter of fact!

Stacy

It doesn't matter which gender is the older in a May/December relationship. I think what matters is the personalities/attitudes of the ones involved. I've seen such relationships that were really rough at the end, when one was elderly and experiencing health difficulties while the other was in the prime of life (my parents). I've also seen relationships where the age difference just doesn't seem to matter at all. There needs to be a bit of an equaling out of things...the younger person needs to be a bit more mature and the older person needs to stay young at heart, but other wise I think it's the same as for anyone else who falls in love. And if it works for them, it shouldn't matter to anyone else.

Stace

First reaction - is GO GIRL. Then of course sense kicks in and I would wonder if they had enough sense to do some premarital counseling.

Karen C

I don't think this question can be generalised as it is the sort of thing that has to be taken on an individual basis - both ways.

However, having said that, I have a few girlfriends who have married older men. Each case is vastly different but in all but one case there has been a huge issue of whether or not to have children, as most husbands in these situations already have families and responsibilities towards them with associated baggage.

My observation has been that 'luuurve' is NOT always the answer to any problem.

Re: young male/older woman - I would question strongly the emotional maturity and social skills of both persons. For some reason male/female age dynamics are vastly different. Is it a procreation thing or is it a vanity/jealousy thing? 10 years maybe....but 30? Nup, not comfortable.

NewYorkTwinMom

I'd worry about any 21 year old marrying anyone, anymore. Maturity seems to have become delayed in most people. So, if it were people I cared about, I'd have concerns, but in the end, if two people are happy, and it works, God bless them. the only difference when switching the age of the genders, the younger woman could still have children. A man might want children as he gets older. A 60 year old man could produce, but the woman might be left once her husband decided he wanted a family. I didn't think I wanted to be amother when I was 21, but it was very important to me in my 30's.

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