Life's Laundry

I Think I've Been Promoted

I had some processing to accomplish before this post could formulate and find its way to the screen.  The conversation with the contractor did not go well at all.  He was defensive, rude, argumentative and before it was all said and done - his attitude had escalated to the point of him tossing the list and group of receipts at us and saying he was done with us and that we only wasted his time.

We tried a total of seven times to communicate with him that we were not challenging the bill.  I don't think he ever heard that from us.  He only wanted to defend his work and list and relist the things that he did for us that he didn't charge us for.  When I point blank asked him why he didn't value his time and bill us for those things he couldn't answer.  He also couldn't answer when I asked him the question, "Do I not have a right to a list of the items that I am paying for so that I know what we've already covered and what I need to plan for in the future?"  I remember saying something to the effect of, "If we have entered into a working relationship where you are providing a service and I am paying for it would it not make sense to keep that relationship working well by making sure that everything is up on the table and there are no misunderstandings and resentment?"  Those things went straight over his head or either he was blatantly ignoring me.  He mentioned that we were "wasting his time" and that all of this could have been done on the phone.  B said he didn't think so because until he (the contractor) was pressed for the list, several days had gone by since we requested the list.

When B asked him, after it was obvious that the conversation had disintegrated to a lower level, if he wanted to finish this job or not - he looked at B and said that he wasn't sure.  I was really proud of B when he followed up that response with a "Ok then, let's finish the things that have already been committed to and you can think about what you want to do after that."  I said, "Do I understand correctly that you are going to finish the things that are in process and the things that have been committed to?" and he said curtly, "Yes."

There were a few more words exchanged but we refused to engage in an argument with him.  We both remained calm and rational.  It was only after he left that B looked at me, opened his eyes real wide and said, "Good God Almighty! What The Hell Was THAT All About?!"

We decided to chew on it for a while, have the option of bringing it up to each other in conversation throughout the day and then discussing and formulating a plan before bedtime last night. 

I didn't wait till evening before I got to work though.  Our kitchen drywall needs to be completely finished before Wednesday when the cabinets arrive.  In the past week, I've left 3 messages for the guy who was referred by the contractor.  We've gotten nothing in return.  At four yesterday afternoon, I started thumbing through the yellow pages.  Last night at 10 pm, someone returned my call and will be at the house today before lunch to assess the job and give us an estimate on time and labor cost.  He has 5 men that run a drywall installation and finishing business and they've been doing this for 30+ years.  If his price is right, he can begin Monday morning with 2 of his men.  He says that it will take 3 days for the complete process.  The cabinets arrive on Wednesday and the installers come on Thursday afternoon.  We will be cutting it close.

In other news from yesterday, I had 3 painting contractors scheduled to come and give me estimates on painting the new wood on the front of the house.  Two showed up.  The first estimate  of $175 for the fascia board sounded good to me (since the contractor told me that it would take 2 of his men at 2 days of labor which is about $600) until the second painter told me that for $250 he would do the front of the fascia board and both dormers.  This is all of what shows to the street on our house.  He comes this morning to begin the work.  He gave me a list of how much paint and what kind to have ready for him and also provided me a written estimate.

The garage doors are up.  I'll share a picture today if I'm able.  After the morning disaster with the contractor, it was so encouraging and refreshing to interact and witness someone who enjoys their job, has great people skills but most of all - is organized and effective in their work.  When the contractor tore out of the driveway and I went back into the garage, the garage guy said, "I couldn't help but overhear that conversation and that man has a problem.  I would NEVER speak to a client like that." The doors went up quickly and wonderfully. He began at 8:45am and was pulling out the driveway at 11am.  He had programmed all of the remotes (including a key less entry pad that was mounted on the outside opening of the garage) and given both B and I in depth lessons on the operation and care of our new doors and opener.  They look beautiful.  His estimate was correct to the penny of his invoice and I wrote that check with pleasure.

Once the locks are installed on the two kitchen doors, we will have a secure house.  The mower and some other items can begin to be relocated to the new house.  I made B promise to me yesterday that he wouldn't begin moving things because we are not far enough along to move things and asked him not to invite trouble.  He agreed for the time being.

There is still too much work to be done and now that I've been promoted to "contractor" I have a lot to learn in a short amount of time.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that we don't have to pull teeth to get the items in progress completed and argue over getting the contractor to finish what we've started.  Beyond those items - I don't think that I will be hiring him for any more work.

I've been trying to put my feet in his shoes and understand why he may have felt threatened by us.  I still have not been able to come up with a reason why he had so much trouble explaining our amount.  We didn't have a problem paying it and we only wanted to know what we were paying for.

I don't understand why he was so defensive when we were so careful to not only preface the conversation with our intentions but we were careful to clarify throughout what we wanted to accomplish.  Beyond the defensiveness was the outright unprofessional ism and rudeness that he exhibited.  I don't think the apology is waiting in the wings.

Thinking Out Loud & Learning As I Go

Here I am again - it's 4:33 am and I've been up cleaning off my desk for over an hour already.  I hate when my body does this.  It isn't because I had caffeine (because I don't drink or eat it).  It isn't because I went to bed early (although 9 pm found me passed out on the bed). It certainly isn't because I *want* to be up at this hour (although I do enjoy the peacefulness and quiet). 

Why AM I awake at this hour?  My mind is racing in a million directions like one of those children's sprinklers that wave in the air while the water flies all over the place. There's a problem with being a sprinkler though - my body drags like a limp noodle that has been drenched in that water.

I was in such fowl form yesterday.
I cleared a path. 
It was wide. 

The problem is that it was also deep and I managed to hurt the one that I love the most.  I supposed in hindsight that I had just reached my limit and while its an explanation - it certainly isn't a valid excuse to behave the way that I did.  I literally was on bitch patrol yesterday and nothing (and I mean nothing) was going right or being good enough to make me happy.  I felt totally helpless to affect any change toward the condition of our new house and every time I tried to begin an accomplishment - something happened to screw it up or slow it down or prevent it outright from happening.  My children were clingy, my husband was on a defensive edge, my back was hurting from the stress, the punch list was growing every time I looked in a new room and I kept thinking about all the things that still needed to be done and decided. The mood didn't change when we got back home to the old house to spend time together.  No one wanted to be with me like I was.  Hell, I didn't even want to be with myself.

I finally just lost it and spewed all over B.  God Bless Him.  I'm glad that God sent him to me; otherwise, I'd be totally lost and desperate.  At least now I'm just desperate. 

I'm desperate for some quiet renewal time just for myself.  Some people call this "me time."  Some people call it self care and some people haven't a clue what this period of time is.  Some people know what it is but they keep pushing themselves to the bottom of the list in hopes that they'll either elevate themselves to sainthood or that the need will eventually go away.  Some neglect themselves because they don't know any better and some do it because its the only way that they feel valuable.....like if they stop moving or producing then they will be useless  - or worse, vulnerable.

Not me.  I can't do that.  I can go for only so long and then things start to ravel and fray like a knitted sweater whose loose end has caught a moving object.  If I'm not careful - I'm left with nothing but a pile of worn yarn and all of a sudden I'm wondering where that beautiful knitted sweater of me went to.  I caught the thread before it started to unravel.

I've been careful to keep on top of things.  I've been careful to rest.  I've been careful to not overdo it physically.  I've been careful about a lot of things except my renewal time.  Thank God I realized this before I fell completely apart. 

I remember a month and a half ago I went for my first Reiki treatment.  I had put it off for years because of fear.  I was afraid at what might come out or up.  When I finally realized that the need was greater than the fear and went for the treatment, I was ready for whatever was going to happen.  Seems that I carry a lot of resentment and anger that stems from either my lack of willingness or the inability to let go of past violations or disappointments.  I've been carrying all that mess and negativity/baggage around for far too long.  That first treatment helped me dump a great deal of that energy that wasn't serving me well.

Since that treatment and with the treatments that have followed that original one - I've been conscientious about taking care of emotions when they surface.  I've been careful to not let it stew for weeks (or months or years) before addressing it and letting it go.  There is a lesson to be learned from all things and I only need to see what I can learn, embrace the lesson and then let the rest go. I work to breathe in acceptance and let go of resentment.  Sometimes it is difficult.  There have been a few times where its been downright impossible.

Today I'm going to deal with the contractor.  I will not be alone.  B will be with me. I've been trying to discern if I'm making more out of this than there really is as a means of creating drama in my life.  I am sure that I am not.  We had an original list of things to do.  Some he did, some he has not completed.  He billed me $2K more than the original estimate and I'm having to stay behind him more than I want to.  I'm resentful that I'm paying for something that I'm not getting. 

Once I recovered from my meltdown yesterday I was able to rationally and calmly discuss with B what I am stressed about.  We went over the original list and made a new one.  We will walk through the house together this morning when we go and finalize the list at that time.  I don't have to be the one to handle it all.  B says that we will talk to the contractor together but B will take the lead.  This will help me since I have felt like I've been carrying too much of the decision process.  The work either gets done before anymore payment or we start looking for someone else.  I'll take my chances on the time line before I will piss money to the wind and have it in my face every day.  I don't care for piss in my face. There are few things that I detest more than waste and lies.  When B talked with the contractor last evening, he was firm that we expect the list of itemized charges before lunch today and that at that meeting the 3 of us will come up with a reasonable time line for completion.

The uncertainty is what I find so unnerving.  Its that uncertainty that is the 'moving object' that takes hold of that thread of the sweater.  Now you may be saying, "Sometimes you can't control everything" and I would agree in most cases.  When it comes to knowing what I am paying for and what has not yet been done or been billed for - I deserve and expect to have the communication clear.  We requested the list over 8 days ago.

I called yesterday and have 3 painting contractors coming this morning to give me estimates.  This is work that the original contractor will not get.  His actions thus far have communicated that he doesn't want the work or doesn't value our money enough.

Today will be better for me.  I'm learning as I go.

One More Day (but not much change)

We worked hard yesterday.  The contractor didn't show up (that was expected) but the electrician did.  He may as well stayed home.  He works so damn slow.  We nicknamed him "Flash."  I think that I could do the work that he is doing in 2/3 less time.  When I talk to the contractor next - I'm going to express (in a diplomatic and non threatening way) my displeasure at the speed with which the electrician works.  It took him 5.5 hours yesterday to put 3 can lights into the ceiling (they were already wired) and to install outlets to 3 spaces.  Isn't that ludicrous?

Aside from the snail pace that "Flash" works..... we (B, me, and my daddy) got a tremendous amount accomplished yesterday.  My dad will go home this morning after we tie up a few loose ends.  He'll be back for a few days next week.  God Bless Him - he has been such a blessing in helping us get the things done that we have to do.  The front yard is free of all the limbs, pine cones and needles from 3 huge pine trees.  He graded most of the uneven ground on the property.  His tractor isn't powerful enough to grade the edge of the yard to the street so we will have to hire the bobcat guy to come back and take care of that.

I pressure washed the left side of the garage yesterday morning in preparation for installing our tool pegboard.  Here is what we accomplished with that:

The kitchen cabinet on its side to the left of the picture will go on the wall next to the new double outlet.  We store most of our tools on pegboard here in the old house and this 4X8 space of pegboard should hold everything for us.  You can't see it in the picture but a 4ft florescent light has been installed on the ceiling above this area to provide enough light for anything done in this corner.

That stack of flat rocks there is actually flagstone that was removed from the patio before we had the new cement put down.  The rest of that mess belongs to the contractor and the clock is ticking on getting it cleaned up.

We worked more on leveling the uneven ground around the new patio and in the backyard.  Remember last week when it was nothing but wooden forms waiting for cement?  Take a look now at what we have out our back patio door.  This is the view when you walk out of the garage and look to the left.

Don't know if you can tell or not but the leaves are just beginning to turn.  Whenever a slight breeze blows through the air - the leaves tickle the air and fall down to the ground while entertaining us with their rustling and that sound that they make when they land on the covered ground. 

I also pressure washed the flagstone out the back door and to my surprise I discovered that the   grout is a light gray and not black.  I also discovered that the stone has a silver sheen to it once you remove the algae growing on it.  Here's what it looks like from the other direction.

The mudman was supposed to come Monday.  Then he was supposed to come Tuesday.  Today is Wednesday and I'm getting a tad bit antsy.  I keep asking myself if my expectations are unreasonable or unrealistic.  Should someone show up when they say they are going to show up?  Should the bottom line be relatively close to the estimate for time and money?    What if it isn't?  Should I have to pay someone to stand around 20 minutes out of an hour on a smoke break?  I pay the contractor and the contractor pays these guys but I don't know what is right or expected. 

I do know that I want my sheetrock finished so that I can get on with the things (like painting) that I need to do.  The more time that passes - the later it will be before I can finish and move my belongings into this new house.

Here's the kitchen as it was last evening:

Yep - that's the hole in the ceiling where the water came through.  The current plan is to replace the cast iron plumbing in this area with new PVC so that when the shower is torn out - the plumbing will already be there to work with.  Right now - it is a ceiling issue.  When the shower is removed, it will be a floor issue.

See this hole?  Excuse me - see those holes...they've been there for over a week now and the power just got ran to this space yesterday.  I try to keep these floors swept up everyday but I'm still worried that they are being hurt with all the dust and dirt.

Today my goal includes making sure that sheetrock mudder comes and having a talk with the contractor about the electrician.  Once my daddy leaves and J is finished with preschool - we are all coming back to the old house to work on some cleaning and phone calls that have been falling to the wayside for the past 2 weeks.  We also need some family time that doesn't involve the new house.

The garage doors are scheduled to be installed tomorrow morning.

9/28/05 S2TA

According to Franklin Covey -

When studied in 1999, the average business lunch lasted 36 minutes.

What explanation can you give for why it takes over 2 hours now? Have we lost our ability to focus and be productive and efficient/effective?  Are we taking advantage to lounge on someone else's dollar?  Is there more to discuss and decide?  Why does it take longer now if we are supposed to more technology supported and better equipped to handle our jobs and task?

Lowering The Threshhold

I came to the conclusion last evening that my level of patience and my bank account balance are much lower than I'd like.  The threshhold for my tolerance level is being drained like a fish pond ready for harvest.  I spent several hours yesterday cleaning up.  I cleaned up dozens of sheetrock screws and trash that had been promised to be cleaned up last Friday.  I got tired of tripping over the trash and having all that dust tracked over my hardwood floors.  I got mad and then got busy cleaning. Those sheetrock screws were me enemy yesterday.

I wrote checks yesterday totalling over $10K with the knowledge that there is more to come this next week totalling more than that.  Our 4 ton package unit (for heating and air downstairs) still isn't in.  We refused the one that was going to be installed because it had been damanged.  It appeared as if someone had driven a forklift right into the side of it.  In fact, someone did.  It was so bent up that the coils were damaged and I said I didn't want it.  They said they understood (it was a warehouse problem from the supplier and not our intaller that did it) and it would take a week or two to locate another unit that size.  I haven't paid for the HVAC intallation yet. 

The shower situation upstairs will cost a minimum of $1000.  We are opting to not use that shower until spring and repair it then.  The main reasons are money and the fact that I don't want to start another project before we get some closure on the current open projects.

I'm beginning to grow dissatisfied with the speed at which the electician is working and the speed at which the simple items on the punch list are being taken care of.  I'm not sure how my brother in law can wire 10 outlets (new, not replacement) in less than 90 minutes but it has taken the electrician 3 full days to do the things that he has done.  Well scratch that question....he's getting paid by the hour to work - that's why he is so slow.  He STILL hasn't run power to the ceiling of our den where we want a ceiling fan installed.  The sheetrock guy will not come until that power is run and the sheetrock is installed over the hole.  That hole has been cut in the wall for 3 working days now.  The next amount of electrical work that has to be done will require another electrician and I'll tell the contractor that before we begin anything.

The ComcastCable was installed yesterday and I went online for about 10 minutes.  That service was so fast I felt the wind whipping through my hair like a ride in a new convertible. I could get spoiled with service like that.  I'm looking forward to the television options that we will have and the faster internet connection but I don't really look forward to learning a whole new directory and channel selection process.  I feel like I just have mastered the selection process that we have now with DirectTV. This is funny because I've been learning it for 5 years now.  I will not miss the slow satellite internet service that is more moody than a woman who has schisophrenia and PMS.  I can't even begin to tally the amount of negative energy that our internet service here at the old house can generate.  Too bad that I couldn't harness that negative energy to power our new home.

Except for the hole in the wall, the water hole in the kitchen ceiling (where the plumbing has to be fixed), and ceiling in our den - all of the sheetrock is up.  We hope that the mud guy will come either tonight or tomorrow morning.  I'm growing more anxious about this being done because there are so many holes and cracks to patch and the painting (which I'm doing) can not be started until all this phase is complete.   I want this crew finished and out of my house so that I can get to work and begin to pull things together.  I can't stand all these loose ends.

Originally we expected that we'd be able to move sometime between the 20th and 25th of October but I believe now that we'll be moving sometime between the 27th and 31st of October. This is not a big deal for me. I'm feeling pressure though to not go to WI for our friend's wedding in mid October.  The pressure is self imposed - nothing from my hubby.  He says that I can decide if we go or not.  It would cost us $100 to change the tickets and we'd need to use them within 4 months. If not, we'd lose the $280 that we paid for them.  The hotel and car rental would just not be charged.  I guess I've got some decisions to make on that level.  I'll wait and see where we are on October 10th.  The kitchen cabinets are supposed to have been installed before the 8th and the flooring before the 10th.

I still have $1000 in my cushion but this amount isn't very comforting for me.  Pretty soon B and I will be faced with the decision of using part of our savings for expenses related to the house.  I don't want to do this.  He doesn't want to do this either.  I guess time will tell how steadfast we are to the savings being left untouched.

All of the limbs and debris from the 3 pinetrees in the front yard are history.  They've been transferred to the back edge of our lot.  We will work on them after a few months when they've had time to dry out and we've had time to get caught up on everything that needs to be done.  The crepe myrtle tree looks like it took a pretty bad hit and had to be cut back to less than 3 feet tall.  It will branch out pretty quickly and I'm hoping that the root system will support quick growth and it can rebound in just a few years.

We had a nice surprise in yesterday's mail  -  refund checks from State*Farm.  It appears that since we now have homeowner's insurance with them, we get a break on our automobile premiums.  We knew this would probably happen but we didn't expect that the checks would come so soon or that they would total a few hundred dollars. 

I left the camera at the house (again) so when I go this morning, I'll take update pics of the kitchen to show you all the lights are in, the sheetrock for walls and ceiling are up and the plywood base for our new flooring is down. 

Joseph is supposed to have his hearing tested this morning so I'll need to share about that visit as well.  I hope I'll be able to post to you later today when I'm at the new house.  I can post there at the speed of light.

Until then and until this process is complete - I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my tolerance threshold stays above water and my cushion at a point where I don't feel like I'm sitting and stepping on those sheetrock screws.

Yuck!

Yesterday I got dirty when I worked.  I pressure washed the front porch, bricks and steps.  I knew they were nasty but didn't realize how nasty until I was half way done and took a step back to view the progress.

This is what I saw:

I love working like this when I can see a clear and immediate amount of progress.  I'm such a fanatic for closure and progress that it thrills me to see results like this.  The fact that I made it happen is just icing on the cake.

I also experimented with some exterior paint color yesterday.  I don't have the experience to be able to envision the paint on the house, I just know that I like a color.  I needed to see what the color would look like on the house so I opened J's window and painted 4 lower strips of siding.  The picture doesn't  show the color very well so I am not posting it but I like it from the road and the front yard.  I'm going to study it for a few days and see if I still like it.  The color is on the National Historic Register but it is bold, much bolder than any of the other neutral exterior colors in the subdivision.  I got the next more muted color in that same family and I"m going to compare the two today and see where I stand.

Today the ComcastCable installation takes place so that we can hook up our internet (I don't really care about the TV but it will be ready for service) and we try to finish the sheetrocking of the kitchen.  The garage will also need to be cleaned out because the installation of the doors is supposed to take place tomorrow.

I'm short on time so I'll have to finish tonight.

Something To Chew On

I came across this  article yesterday.  I'm not sure how it happend - except that it was several layers deep into some searching.

Read it....and then chew on it.  Think about the words, the message and the behavior.  After you do all that and for whatever amount of time that it takes to do those things.....think about what you believe.

Ask yourself the question and find an answer to those questions.

We Learn As We Go

I knew it was coming; I just didn't know when or what it would look like.  I knew that it would involve "money" but I couldn't predict how much.  I knew that we wouldn't be happy but I hoped that we would be able to survive.  I didn't want to be the stars in "The Money Pit, Part II."

The when was yesterday afternoon around 5:30 pm after everyone spent the entire day working.  The kitchen was 90% sheet rocked, my brother in law had finished the telephone and cable system set up, my father and BIL had dropped 4 trees, B had begun clearing some of the branches, I had the french door for B's office primed on both sides, the new exterior security/porch lights had been installed, the trash had been collected, we'd made yet another several hundred dollar trip to Lowe's  and ordered the new storm door.  We were about to leave and go get some dinner.

My father was taking a shower in J's bathroom, I was relaxing on our wonderful new patio with Baby K and I heard it.

"OH SHIT!!!" I heard B scream.  I went running into the kitchen only to see him standing there watching water heavy streaming out through the unfinished seam of the freshly installed ceiling sheetrock.  The sheetrock guy hadn't been gone 15 minutes.  We scrambled to turn the water off at the disconnect outside and waited to see what was going to happen.  Within about 90 seconds, my dad came downstairs saying that he couldn't get the valve to shut off.  I made an assumption that the shower was overflowing and the runoff was what was coming through the ceiling.

Wrong.

We called the contractor and within a few minutes he and his assistant (both with their wives because they were all going to dinner on a Saturday evening) were at the house.  The valve in the shower is broken and the whole unit will have to be replaced.  Not a big deal, right?  It wouldn't be if that was all that it is.  The shower pan is leaking and that IS a big deal.  The entire room where the shower and toilet is located in J's bathroom is tiled from floor to ceiling.  The bottom half of the shower will have to be ripped out and it will have to be done high enough to get to the valve to replace it.  We'll try and match the tile back as best as possible.  I suggested that we get solid sheets of something (marble, vinyl, corian, plastic - heck I don't know) than pay a tile man to lay back tile that doesn't match.  Replacing that tile means DAYS of additional labor that I don't want to pay.

What can we do?  It has to be fixed because that bathroom will have to be used.  I got no estimate on how much this would cost and we are going to let the sheetrock dry out and see if it can still be used.  I'll have an amount on Monday afternoon.  I'm guessing another thousand dollars before its all said and done.

We were prepared with a financial cushion. We have the money to fix this situation.  We do not have the money to buy a new kitchen table and chairs after we fix this problem.  I was prepared for it to take twice as long on the work as was originally estimated.  I wasn't really prepared to have to replace the shower in J's bathroom and we are less than 4 days from it being twice as long as originally estimated.

I kept telling myself last night at dinner that this is just another repair that we'll handle.  I'm not feeling panic - I am feeling frustration and disappointment though.  I will deal with that just like everything else.

Speaking of everything else.....

One of the trees that were cut down yesterday fell right slap dab in the middle of my huge crepe myrtle tree in the front yard.  Oh, well.  Five years is how long it will take for recovery.  I think my dad felt almost as bad as I did when it happened. 

Our mobile phone bill came Thursday and it was $400 more than it normally is. That is 4 - 0 - 0 as in 4 hundred.  I went online to view the bill to see where the extra charges were coming from and hoped that is was a mistake that could be reversed.  Seems that college students talk a lot on their cellphones during the day and like to send text messages more often than that. Minutes cost during the day.  We can talk unlimited after 7 pm and until 7 am.  There were some calls that were 2 hours long.  Some calls placed and received at 3 in the morning.  I needed to remind myself that I'm not her keeper and if she is talking instead of sleeping then I need to let her find her own way.

Here's the thing with the phone calls in the middle of the night.  They are coming from the boyfriend's house.  If my child were still in high school and talking on the phone for hours during the middle of the night - I'd damn sure want to know about it so that I could do something about it.  When they are still at home and still in high school - I'm still very much responsible for their well being.  They aren't entirely on their own.  The question that I have this morning is whether I'm going to say something to the parents of the boyfriend about the middle of the night activity.  Should I?  What do you think? Why or why not?  I am clear on one thing - I'm certainly not going to be financially responsible for supporting this activity.

The new rule regarding cell phone usage is that the owner of the phone pays for text messages (which will be deducted out of their allowance) and any future times where the usage is over the allotted minutes for the month will result in the phone being changed to a "prepaid" and once those minutes are gone - they are gone till the owner has money to buy more.  With a prepaid - there is no free nights and weekends.

I nearly fell on the floor when I saw that bill.  Since then I've been thinking about what $500 would buy for the house.  Hell, it might replace a shower pan.

We learn as we go.

PS.  I have more pictures to share but after spending 2 additional hours at the house before we could even go get some dinner and then having 2 Monster Margaritas with dinner - I inadvertently left the camera at the new house.  I'll share tonight or tomorrow.

Answers :)

1.  How did it go when you told the in laws?

B sat down in their den a few days before Labor Day weekend and said, “You know I told you back in Feb that we were looking for a house.  Well, we found one and they accepted our offer.  We will probably close in a month and move a few weeks after that.”

His dad hung his head (like he always does) and said, “Son, I  hate to see you do that.  People are filing bankruptcy all around and they can’t pay their bills because of a mortgage.  I hate to see you do it.”  (he still doesn't grasp that we are adults who are financially stable and responsible)

And B said, “I understand that Pop and I appreciate your concern (we had practiced him validating whatever concerns or emotions that they had without giving in to the boundaries that he has) but we have been really careful financially and have set up everything well BELOW our means to prevent anything like that from happening.

Then his mom said with her sharp, cutting voice – “well I’m surprised that it took this long.  As much as you go to Rome each week and with all that you do - I don't know what took so long."   

B didn't buy into that invitation for hurt and just said that we were waiting for the right thing and being patient.  His dad thought that since M went to live with her dad that we wouldn't’t move at all. 

B said, “No, Pop – we are still moving.  We want to own our own home & that isn’t going to happen here."  Neither of his parent's said anything to that.

And then his dad wanted to know where the house was.  When B told them that it used to belong to Dr. B they sat up on the edge of their chair and said, “THE dr. B?"

From that point on – they were more impressed that we were buying Dr. B’s old home than anything.  We’ve heard from others that Pop has been bragging to everyone that we are buying Dr. B’s house…..and me and B think that if that is what helps him to deal with things…..then that’s another little gift from God.  I don’t know why they are so obsessed with what people think or being impressive to others…….my guess is that it’s the bargaining process of letting go.

Speaking of letting go.....Nannie never has accepted my B's late wife's death. Wednesday was the anniversary of her death and I found the old cemetery flowers on her back porch.  I knew that she had gone to put new ones there. Her visit to the cenetery isn't what makes me think that she is still worshiping the late wife. She still has pictures of the dead wife all over her house but she refuses to put up the 3 family pictures of her son’s current family (which include me or my daughters).  She has pictures of J all over the house but that is it.  The dead wife's pictures and J’s pictures.  She doesn’t have anything to do with Baby K.  We try not to be offended because she is the one who is missing out.  She finds opportunities to bring up the dead wife in conversations and her favorite is…..”well the dead wife would do so and so"  or "I remember when the dead wife did _____________.  Do you remember that B?" (she ask my husband this most often)  Its very unnerving to me & to B.

So…..if there was any gnashing of teeth or crying over the announcement – it was not done in front of B.  He asked me to not go when he told them and I honored his wish.

I'm pretty sure that one of their concerns is that they aren’t going to be able to spend any time with J after we move.  He goes down there almost every afternoon and spends the night frequently. With us being at the new house working each day, there has been a lessening of the amount of time that J is spending at N&P's house. I'm pleased as can be with this new schedule and J seems to be adjusting reasonable well.  Keeping him busy with his new friend and neighbor has really helped to counter the change is routine. 

They've both asked when we are moving and a day or two ago when I came to get J in the evening, his mom asked what all we were doing to the house.  I gave a brief synopsis and invited her to come see the house.  I bet they won't do it.   I have such precious little left invested in this relationship.  I don't know what they are going to do with the house once we move and frankly - I don't care.  She was ugly ugly in Feb when B told her that we were going to be looking for a house and she quickly declared that she would “put the house on the auction block the very next week…so fast it would make his head swim.”  There are two people that we know who want to rent it so I don’t know what will happen to it. 

I’ve got a friend coming from south GA to help me shampoo carpets and clean within an inch of its life when we do move because I don’t want one spec of dirt or trash left in this house for her to fuss about.  Besides – they are just not physically able to come in and clean a home like this.  I don't feel hatred for B's parents - I kind of feel pity for them that they are the way they are and have limited themselves where our relationship is concerned.  I have a lot of things to offer and they never gave me a chance. I have accepted the reality of it all and while I do care for them (they are my husband's parents) I don't want to live near them anymore.

2.  How am I managing this with two small kids?

Notice that I haven't shown any pictures of me pulling my hair out or how my back and hip are growing more crooked by the hour with holding Baby K as I walk around.  Seriously - B is handling the kids for the most part. When he isn't we are taking turns and doing the best we can. We put Baby K in a playpen and as long as she is in the same area (inside or out) where you are, she is fine.  J has been playing with his new friends/neighbors and following his daddy around.  We have toys there and he is discovering everything there is to discover on the property and in the house. Digger trucks are great entertainment when you have a spot of raw turned dirt that measures 30 X 70 feet.

Don't kid yourself though - there are times when I've sat and teared up because I'm so limited with what I can do because of the kids.

It is hard but it is our reality and we do the best we can.  While I do have effective project management skills I have been challenged at keeping it all straight.  I set up an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of the budget for the project, all of the estimates/quotes, the items that we are purchasing and the things that the contractor is doing (or not doing).  Once that information is in the spreadsheet (which only takes a few minutes each night to enter and update) I don't have to keep it sorted in my head.  I enter it and let it go and can refer to it when necessary.  Recently I began a wish list for things that need to be prioritized for the spring.  We'll need a new roof and I'm trying to figure out now if we will be able to wait on the exterior being painted.  We'll need the sofit and fascia board replaced with vinyl and I can't see spending $3K on a paint job and then next spring ripping all that wood off and replacing it with vinyl.  Sometimes it seems overwhelming and I sit and take a deep breath or go chisel some concrete lumps in the flowerbed.  Sometimes I go in the bathroom and sit on the toilet and cry for a few minutes.

My best method of dealing with whatever is happening is keeping my eye on the finish line.  You win a race one step at a time.

So now you know the rest of the story - or at least a small part of it.

A Lot Can Happen In A Week

We are into our 8th day of the transformation.  I have pictures to share of the progress of which I feel very optimistic.

This is the front porch fascia board (or lack of) on Tuesday.  They ripped out all the rotten/damaged wood and let it dry in the hot sun for 2 days.

This is what it looked like at 5 pm today when they finished the work for the day.  Everything is back in place with a bit of fancy detailing and all of it has been primed to be ready for painting.  Even if it takes a few weeks to complete the painting - you still can't tell much difference between what is there now and what needs to be there.

Below is the backyard patio on Tuesday.  We cleaned the ivy (did I mention how bad I hate ivy?) and the other plants away to make room for the backhoe to dig a footer at the edge of the current patio.  When we were digging up the 2 shrubs (which really were 5) right alongside the house, I dug up about a hundred bulbs that were in that dirt bed.  Since we are planning to set the concrete all the way up to the edge of the house - I wanted to retrieve these bulbs and move to another area.  I filled a WMart bag full of all different kinds.  It will be interesting come spring to see what goodies I unearthed.

And below is the same area this afternoon.

That extra spot on the bottom left corner of the patio is where we'll put our hot tub. The patio will extend 22 feet from the house and be 25 feet wide.  It was either pay for the new patio to be done over the pad that is there or pay to have part of it removed and a smaller one poured.  I would have spent the same amount of money so I opted to keep the larger patio area and have a footer added so that my daddy can build us a screened porch over this area in the next few years.

Below is where we removed the closet from inside the master bedroom.  That hole in the wall is where the new intake register will be placed.  The hole in the floor is where the connecting duct work/metal box will go.  The sheetrock will be patched and smoothed and the box will be enclosed in sheetrock to make a small landing shelf above the box.

You can see below where the box has been framed and ready for the sheetrock guy.

A lot of things are going on at one time.  Today there were numerous trucks and vehicles in the yard.  There was a lot of sawing and pulling of wires.  Our entire kitchen has been rewired.  We are ready for the sheetrock guy to come and work his magic.

This last picture above is the area where the asphalt driveway was removed.  I had the bobcat guy smooth out the hill that was on the backside of where the asphalt was.  Now our backyard isn't a series of hills and valleys and when it rains - that low area where the asphalt was will not become a mud ditch. 

My daddy and my brother in law arrive tomorrow afternoon to begin work on the next series of things that need to be done.  We are planning on dropping some diseased trees on the property, doing some electrical work, installing some ceiling fans, finishing up the patio, grading the edge of the yard near the driveway and finishing up the electrical in the kitchen and garage.

I rested today and didn't do anything physical. I'll be back to work tomorrow evening after my daddy and BIL arrive.

I should have some pretty good pics in the next day or two.

Regarding what I decided about the counter/sink in that closet.  I'm just going to have a counter with no sink.  The counter will go from wall to wall and I'll place a mirror on the entire wall with a nice light strip above for me to do my makeup.  I can come back in a few months or years and put a sink in if I so choose.  I couldn't bring myself to spend $500+ on that corner of a closet.  I'd rather have a new kitchen table and chairs for that amount plus another $100.

We are more than half way finished with the work that is going to be done before we move in.  I guess we are on the countdown.  Our cabinets arrive in 13 days.  I've got plenty to do and once the contractors clear out and I'm left alone to paint and work with no interruptions - things will move quickly to closure.