Life's Laundry

A Graduation Toast

What a magnificant day for our family.  It has been everything that I could have hoped for.  I've thought a lot about my sister and how I wished that she were still alive to share in our family's celebration and my joy. There will be more to come but right now, I'd like to share with you the toast that I wrote this morning and tried to do this afternoon.  I made it to the end of the second sentence and had to have my hubby read the rest because I couldn't do it.

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Reflections on the roads you’ve traveled:

Look around to the people standing in this room here with us today – some are new to our circle and some have been with us since the beginning.  The people standing in this room today are the ones who love you the most.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant with you and when you were born and how difficult it was for me.  That day I was born a mother and I thank you for teaching me the things that you have.

I remember taking you to pick out Sasha and how you wanted to bring the other dog home with you and name it

Savannah

.

I remember your laughter and smile when you would sing zippity do da, and do ButiTrol on your dolls and say that the man from Tales of the kript needed ButiTrol.

I remember your childhood innocence when you reached down at your Aunt Anita’s wedding to pull the stickers off the floor and then stick them on her beaded wedding dress…….and then a year and a half later when your childhood innocence worked its magic again and picked out your Aunt Anita’s casket and saved the rest of us in our time of grief.  I know if she were here with us, that she would share in the emotions and pride that we all have for you.

I remember how you used to sit and watch Madeline when she was a baby.

I remember when you and Margaret would play wedding at the parsonage.

I remember your days in Girl Scouts and you learning to play the ukele.

I remember when you were entering middle school and telling you that you were not going to have the same friends in a year because some would not make good choices and would go in a different direction.  I am pleased that you made the choices that you did.

I remember your first days of school…….all of them except 9^th and 10^th grade.

I remember a few days before my wedding when you decided to stay with your daddy.

I remember all the trips that I made to Effingham to see you and how much energy and love we put into rebuilding our relationship. I feel such a sense of contentment when I think of were we were and where we are now with our relationship.

I remember your confirmation and how I stood at the communion rail and cried.

I remember you coming to our house in the summer of 2002 and telling me that you wanted to stay and live with me and Bill.

I remember you riding Joseph’s car in the hotel hall in

Nashville

.

I remember your proms and how beautiful you were and how glad I was to be included.

I remember Vacation Bible schools at the retreat center and your birthday parties in the belltower.

I remember the pleasure on your face when I shared with you that I was pregnant with Joseph and then pregnant with Kathryn and I also remember the look on your face when you learned that Kathryn was a girl.

I remember when I introduced you to Lance and Mr. Cox in the bandroom and then a few weeks later when you came home from “just trying out bandcamp” and saying that you were going to be in the band.

I remember going with you and Shaina to get your driver’s liscense and watching you parallel park.

I remember going to the dome.  I remember football games and volunteering in the media center at Ebenezer.  I remember how much fun I had watching you in school and seeing how much fun you were having in school.  I remember your accelerated reader points.  I remember teachers competing to have you assigned to their classroom.

I remember the heart to heart talk that we had on the way to

Savannah

when I realized that you were no longer planning for “some day when” because those days are already here. 

I remember you calling from

Europe

.

I remember college applications and allowance and when your acceptance letter came.

I’ll remember your helpfulness, your gentle spirit, your smile, your tears. 

I remember when you lost it with Madeline in the parking lot of the McDonalds in Metter and thinking to myself, Wow!  She really does have some spunk in her.

And so here we all stand today – and looking ahead to your travels…..

I wish for you confidence, wisdom, serenity, the knowledge that no matter what happens – the people standing in this room will be the ones who will love you no matter what.

I pray that your life from this day forward will be directed in a way that will build upon your accomplishments and magnify your strengths.  I encourage you to be honest with yourself about yourself.  Remember the things that you have learned in church and from our family, remember that even though I would prefer it to not be permanent, you can always come home.

Most of all, remember that God’s grace is bigger than any burden that we’ll ever carry and if you trust Him, that He will direct your paths.

There will be challenges ahead of you but challenges are not new to you.  You’ll take them as you always have – one bite at a time.  This time – your bite will be as a Georgia Bulldog.  You’re going to do fabulous at college and learn things about yourself and make discoveries that will shape the rest of your life.

Bill and I, Madeline, Joseph and Kathryn – we love you and are very proud of you.  We will miss you but our pride and dreams for you far outweigh any sadness on this day.

You’ve made great choices, you are prepared for college and the future and today we all salute you, we honor you and your accomplishments.  I'm confident in your ability and instinct and I know you will continue to do well.  Our road has not always been easy or smooth.  Our lives contain memories that flash before us in an instant.

Pay attention to the little details, for one day they will be the memories that you try and recall just as I am today. 

So now….to Aubrey - - To all the roads that you’ve traveled, now let your journey begin.

©

Dora Locklear

2005

5/28/05 S2TA

Tell me about a special gift that you made in school and gave to your parents.

Joseph's Birth - Miracle Worth Waiting For

A little history and a gentle warning:  My husband was previously married for 29 years to a woman who was not able to have children.  She died of cancer in 1999.  My husband and I were married in December of 2000. He wanted to have a child and so with determination and over 9 months of trying, I conceived in August of 2001. I had been charting for over a year and I knew I was pregnant before the pregnancy test could detect the trace of hormone.  My husband was finally going to be a father at the age of 55.

This blog entry contains explicit descriptions of my labor and birth as well as personal information that some might consider TMI.   I'll include a few pictures (nothing graphic because I have smudged anything that is a private part as well as faces of my MW and any of her assistants to protect them) but consider yourself warned of content and topic.

       * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The pregnancy was as close to a fantasy as any pregnancy could ever be.  I felt like a million bucks the entire time and didn't miss the horrible hyperemisis that I suffered with the two pregnancies previously.  Could I possibly be having a boy?  Was it just genes (different father)?  Was it because I was happy for the first time in my life?  My sex drive was through the roof and my newlywed husband tried to accommodate my *needs* as best he could.  Working from home has its advantages :)  And so does sleeping with the boss.

The pregnancy was my third, his first.  Viewing the experiences and the changes in my body through his eyes was such a blessing to me.  It helped me to focus on things that I might have taken for granted.  With him, I was able to appreciate the journey to birth. We took a lot of pictures to capture the experience. This following is a 26 week belly shot. (yep, I used to be blond)

My husband and I chose to plan a homebirth, confident in our choice of caregivers and the power of birth.  My weight gain was less than 25 pounds, I was healthy, blood levels looked great, baby was in a great position and we were just waiting on mother nature (and my uterus).

I had measured way ahead during the whole pregnancy and even consented to an ultrasound in January to rule out a twin pregnancy.  It was during this ultrasound that I learned that we were going to have a son.  This boy would be the first boy in my side of the family in 17 children born over the past 75 years.  We were thrilled.

My due date came and went, which was not a surprise considering that I was 21 days overdue with M and was induced with A after 10 days.  I'm a 10 month moma and my babies need more time to cook. I felt wonderful up until about a week after my due date.  I think (in hindsight) that because the pregnancy had been so different from my previous pregnancies that perhaps I had expectations that I might deliver closer to my due date.  My expectations were not to be met on that one.

A week after the due date, I went for a prenatal visit. At this visit I was 2cm dilated and 50% effaced.  I was already a week past the due date and becoming exasperated with being pregnant.  All women experience this and I knew it but I remember sitting in the office of the MW and just breaking into sobs with the declaration that I just didn't want to be pregnant anymore. I had been horribly constipated for over a month and by then and it had been already 5 days since my last bowel movement.  That in and of itself is enough to make anyone feel horrible. 

With the consent and encouragement of the MW and her assistant, we agreed that I'd try some castor oil the next morning (as much to move my bowels as to stimulate labor) and then follow it with some black and blue cohoshes throughout the day.

During the day on May 21st, I had sporadic contractions.  About 3:15, I lost some of my plug and became more and more encouraged as the contractions began to take on some regularity and intensity.  My bowels had in fact moved and God! , I felt better. When I went to bed that evening....to see if the contractions would die down or continue - they piddled out.  Labor was not to be for me that day.  I waited 3 days and repeated the castor oil to help myself have a bowel movement - and experienced the same results. I decided that the glass on my patio door needed cleaning so I set out to do just that.  I could barely bend over because my belly was so huge and cumbesome.

After a week later - a week filled with rest and as many distractions as our friends and family could muster, as many orgasms as one 10 month pregnant woman can handle....and another week without a bowel movement, I tried the castor oil again the morning of Sunday, May 26th.  By 3 pm, the contractions were regular and about 5 minutes apart.  I was moving around and talking and laughing and I really didn't believe that I was in labor.  My husband was a nervous wreck (with this being his first time) and insisted that we phone the MW.  When they phoned the MW (I managed to hold them off until after 5:15), the contractions were about 3-4 minutes apart and lasting over a minute. She told my husband that she couldn't get there very quickly so she called for the assistant to come on out ahead of her. The assistant arrived about 7 pm and within an hour, the MW and other assistant had arrived.  At 8 pm, I consented to a vaginal exam (known here on out as a VE) and I was only 3-4 cm dilated, 60% effaced and the baby was at a -2 station.....great progress they said - but I thought that was bullshit! I knew that this wasn't it.  I was ticked at the attention and activity and it was not helping me.

My contractions continued on but by 10 pm, it seemed as though they were fading again.  This was the same scenario that I had been experiencing for almost 3 weeks.  This pattern of contractions that stop and go and sometimes wear you out are what is commonly called prodromal labor. The MW decided, and everyone agreed that the best course of action would be for everyone to go home and come back when things picked up again.  A laboring woman who is "watched" feels stress and that works against the labor and release of hormones necessary to facilitate labor.  Thank God - I could finally be alone without having to kick them out of my house.

By 11 pm, I had eaten a few scrambled eggs, had a good cry in the shower and apologized to my husband and doula friend (who came from TX to be with us for a few weeks before the birth while we waited for the birth to take place).  Everyone tried to make me feel better and encouraged me to get some rest.  Before I went off to bed, the doula performed a birth trick on me during one of my contractions that were piddling out again.  This trick is described in Optimal Fetal Positioning and involves gently lifting the belly during a contraction to aid in the alignment of the baby so that it can press upon the cervix and aid in dilation.  We laughed and I cried and tried to coax my body to do what it was supposed to be doing but up until that point seemed to be dedicated to resistance.

At 3:00 am, I awoke to what I thought was just remnants of the castor oil.  I got up to go potty and realized that the sensations that I was feeling were contractions.  Within 3 contractions (which were back to back) I realized that things were VERY different and I tried to make my way down the hall to the bedroom where the doula was sleeping.  My thoughts were to get her up with me to keep me company and let my husband sleep in case this was another false alarm.  Having him asleep would buy me more time and less scrutinizing.

I remember standing in the doorway to her bedroom and having her roll over in the bed and lift her head to my birth noises.  I couldn't speak - just breathe.  She was immediately awake and standing beside me.  She asked to wake my husband and I shook my head yes.  When he came into the den, he found me on my hands and knees backwards on the loveseat rocking back and forth.  Having no previous exposure to birth except seeing a few videos and the melodramatic lunacy that is called TV - he didn't quite know what to expect.  He wanted to call the MW right away and I just shook my head in agreement.  Labor was truly underway and it was quick and it was fast and it was intense.  It was very intense.

The doula and my hubby begin to set up the birth pool (a kiddie pool that we had gotten from the MW) and I got in.  It took less than 10 minutes to set up and fill because we had practiced the previous week and my husband knew how to do it quick.  Ahhh.....I can't even begin to describe to you how it immediately took the pain of the contractions away.  I was laboring beautifully.  My doula would later recount to me of how in awe she was of me as I moaned and moved in the tub with the contractions. I kept my sounds low and loose and kept remembering the saying that I always tell my moms - 'loose lips = loose cervix'.  I kept making horse sounds and managed to cope with all the contractions with relative ease.  I was already in a place that natural birthers affectionately refer to as 'labor land' and I was now cooking with gas.

A little after 4 am, I began to feel grunty.  I also began to feel nauseous.  I vomited.  This would have frightened and annoyed me before but I knew that one vomit was worth 5 contractions and I welcomed it.  I also knew that it was a sign that I was more than halfway through and things were working wonderfully.  I still was not feeling any "pain" but I was aware of the intensity of what was happening.  When I vomited the 3rd or 4th time, hanging over the side of that pool, I felt my water release/break.  I reached down to try and figure out what was touching the inside of my leg.  It was trailing membranes and I just swept them away. I could see tiny bits of vernix and birth matter floating in the water but we knew to expect this and my doula just took a fish net and scooped the matter into the trash.

My hubby was getting a tad bit antsy because the MW was not there yet - and neither were any of the assistants.  My contractions were increasing in length and strength and so was my husband's anxiety. He never got out of control - but he needed the doula's encouragement.  She later told me that she knew he would do well because his nature is to nurture with gentleness and affection and he would be no different during the birth.  He was doing great.

At 5:50 am the MW, her two assistants and the person who we had asked to videotape the birth all arrived with 2 or 3 minutes of each other.  The team set about laying everything out on the coffee table and preparing for a birth.  Once everything was set up and ready, she asked for permission to do a VE.  I agreed and she found me to be 8cm and really stretchy.  They recommended that I take a trip to the bathroom to empty my bladder and commented that the movement would do me good.  I remember them encouraging this several times but I'd have to sit backwards on the toilet with my head resting on the back until the next contraction was over because I didn't have time to get to the other end of the house where the pool was before another contraction would wash over me. While in the bathroom for the second time, I began to have a bloody show and I knew that we were getting close. The MW and the assistant were checking fetal heart tones every 5 minutes and they were sounding perfect.  There were good variables and excellent recoveries (heart tones slow down and speed up with different stages of contractions and that is normal)

I could not get back to that water quick enough.  The contractions were all over me and they HURT while out of the water.  Once back in the water - there was no pain....only intensity.  Had I not experienced this phenomenon personally - I never would have believed the water to be the experience that it was.

By 6:15am or so, I felt myself becoming 'grunty' and mentally marked that as a sign that my body was pushing even without my helping it.  The MW massaged my cervix through a few contractions.  At some point, I think around 6 am, my husband had gone to wake up M so that she could be present for the birth.  She was a bit scared and nervous but she was more excited that her new baby brother would soon be here.  I don't remember any of this taking place because I was SO internal by this point that I was not aware of any of my surroundings or the people in the room.  I just remember looking up at some point and seeing her sitting there beside the pool on that little stool.

At 6:30 am, I was 9cm and the baby had moved down to a station +3.  I began to push a little to try it on for size and see how it felt.  It felt great to push so with each contraction, I tightened down. Within 10 minutes, he had moved to a +4 station and I could feel the head with my hand.  This is perhaps the most incredible feeling that I've ever experienced in my life - - feeling my baby moving down and being able to feel his body within me....from the inside as well as from the outside.  It was very motivating to me to feel him from both sides. I pushed harder.  There was never any shouting, any cheer leading counting or chanting "push!Push!Push!" crap that is so common on TV and in hospital delivery rooms. I kept touching his slimy and mushy head and I could feel the occipital points and how his head was molding to my birth canal. 

All during the pregnancy, I had been visualizing what I wanted the birth to be like.  I'd developed it into the time of day, room, those present, details and more details.  I wanted my baby to be born as the sun came over the mountain - so that meant that it would need to be in the early part of the day.

Before I began pushing, my doulafriend had been on her knees pouring warm water over my back and belly.  I remember her whispering to me, "Look out the window....everything you've been visualizing and wanting and preparing for is about to happen....the sun is coming across the mountain."  I felt a deep sense of satisfaction and gratitude.

I had only been pushing for 22 minutes when I felt that immediate ring of fire and announced to the room that "he's coming." I was still in the warm pool of water on one knee (imagine a person proposing on one knee).  The MW placed her hands on mine and supported his head as it slipped over the perineum.  God!  What a relief. I was pushing with every bit of energy that I could find and giving it all I had. I could feel his head between my legs and there was excitement in the room as we all held our breath waiting for his body to rotate so the shoulders could be born.

A few seconds went by and nothing happened.

A few more seconds went by and still nothing happened.

The MW told me to "Push, push your baby out" in a stern but not panicky voice. I said back to her, "I AM pushing but nothing is happening" so she instructed me to stop, she stuck her hand up around his neck into my vagina and felt around. 

All of this was done by touch because my bottom was still in the water.  She announced "we've got a nuchal arm, let me get my pinky around it to free it" and she did and within 2 seconds - my baby whooshed into the water into my hands.  For those who don't know what a nuchal arm it - his arm was bent at the elbow with his hand trying to get under his chin so his elbow was preventing him from rotating so that his body could be born.  Once she freed the arm - his body lunged out of me. 

I moved my leg over his body and leaned back against the side of the pool. I pulled him up to my chest and they covered him with a towel.  I sat back right into my husbands arms and was covered by his tears. 

He was born into our lives at 6:55 am on the morning of May 27th, 2002.  I looked out the window and there was the bright sun, leaving its signature upon the mountain.  I can still hold that image in my mind and go there at my mind and soul's request.

Everyone in the room was crying.  Tears of joy were free flowing.  One amazing journey coming to an end and another beginning, all at the same time. The MW assistant was scooping warm water from the tub and gently pouring it over the towel that was covering our baby's body.  I looked between his legs to confirm that in fact it was a boy and it was.  That genitalia looked so different than what I was accustomed to but I promised myself that I'd get used to seeing something different.

I asked for the phone so that I could phone A who was still living in south Georgia with her father.  That call was placed at 7:05 am on Memorial Day.  I was overcome with emotion and the adrenaline was surging through my veins.  Less than 5 hours ago, my body got down to business.  Once things got going, there was no time to waste.  Our family had been born. My husband was finally a father.....experiencing the miracle that he had been waiting his whole life for and thought that he'd never have.

The MW asked for permission to clamp the cord.  Only 9 minutes had gone by and normally, we would have waited for the cord to completely stop pulsing before cutting it (no matter how long that took) but she wanted to take a blood sample from the cord for typing so that we'd know the Rh factor.  If the baby's blood was Rh negative, then there was nothing to do, if his blood was Rh positive, then I'd elected to have a Rhogam shot administered 24 hours post partum.  By testing the blood from the cord, our baby would be spared having his heel pricked and bled.  Since one of the reasons that we'd chosen homebirth was to avoid procedures and treatments that we considered not necessary (one being heel pricks and sugar testing), we elected to have the cord clamped at that time.

Within another minute or two, I felt another contraction and knew that the placenta was on its way.  The next contraction expelled it into a pan held between my legs.  I stepped out of the tub, they wrapped me into a warm towel from the dryer and I walked to the other end of my house and stepped into a warm waiting shower.  I washed my hair and body and then they dried me off, I put on my new blue nightgown and slipped into bed where I nursed my son.

We called a few more friends to announce his arrival and the generic question that everyone wanted an answer to was "How much does he weigh?"  We had not weighed him yet and so the assistant began her newborn exam.  Everything checked out perfectly - he was just really big.  We entertained the guesses to his weight and length and had a few giggles and I recalled a Canadian friend of mine who had projected that would weigh 11 pounds.  I almost shot her when she entered that in our baby pool two weeks earlier.

I watched the assistant's face....then listened as she exclaimed, "Oh My God. Would you look at this."  The MW looked at the scale and then looked at me and raised her eyebrow....and said, "I wouldn't have guessed him to be that big but that boy of yours weighs 11 pounds."  I just kind of fell back against the pillow....and then I began to laugh.  My first thoughts were, "Damn!  I just pushed an 11 pound baby out of my body and that stupid doctor from my cesarean told me that my pelvis was too small for an 8 pound baby....what the hell did he know?"

He was 11 pounds, and twenty three inches long.  His head circumference was over 15 inches.  He nursed with vigor from the start. When his nuchal arm was released, and he shot out of there so quickly, I tore a little bit and elected to receive a few stitches to my second degree tear.  While I got my bottom stitched, I watched as my husband sat holding his son and listened to him telling him about how much his daddy loved his mommy and how long he had waiting to become a daddy.  It was truly touching the depths of my soul.  All was well.

My parents arrived a few hours later and my sister a little while after that.  I rested in the bed for a while as everyone waited on me hand and foot.  I received phone calls and congratulations. I was as high as a kite and I loved it.

Our birth was gentle and perfect in the way that best suited our family.  Homebirth is not for everyone but I am glad that it was an informed choice that we could make for our situation.  I have serious doubts as to whether I'd have been able to birth an eleven pound baby flat of my back with legs spread eagle in a hospital.  They'd have not practiced that patience and trust that my MW had.

I will always cherish the perfection that this pregnancy and birth held for me. It is the pinacle for which all my other births are measured.  I wish that the postpartum period and nursing relationship had been as good as the pregnancy and birth - but you can't have everything, right?

Anyhow, today my son turns 3 years old.  Three years ago today, I was birthing my baby at home in the water.  I know that this experience changed me forever. 

It is with a heart full of love and gratitude and wonderful memories that I celebrate today - and share those memories with you.  I've created this post a week or so in advance of the publishing date because I know that I'll be busy with graduation activities and not able to do it then.

Happy Birthday Joseph.  I love you.

5/26/05 S2TA

What kind of camera do you use?

What's your favorite feature about this particular camera?

Sr. Honors Night

Tonight was the night for scholarships - and honoring the acedemic accomplishments of The Class of 2005.  My daughter is the recipient of the Band Booster's Scholarship in the amount of $500.  I'm thankful for this award and proud for her.

What can I say?

She's beautiful, smart, tall, slender, pleasant, personable, tanned, elegant and she loves me - her moma.  She's realizing her dreams and the hard work and committment is paying off.

When I was uploading the pictures from last night - and I came across the one above, one of my first thoughts after identifying the emotions of this picture was that for the first time in my life - - I'm showing my age and I look old (compared to previous years).*

Sisters......2 days ago, they were arguing with each other in the hall.  Last night, they were hugging and rejoicing. 

M hardly ever agrees to have her picture taken for reasons that remain a mystery to me - so I will cherish this picture for many years to come.  Two special young women and one special evening.

* The observation that I made regarding the image that the lens captured and how old I look isn't a solicitation for a compliment or denial - I merely am communicating that for the first time in my life - I feel like I'm showing an age that has not been seen before.  Maybe its been creeping up on me but I've not paid closer attention to the details that this picture captured. Perhaps the majority of it is emotional and psychological for me - but that picture is very telling of the lines that the years and my journies are leaving on my face.

See the time that this post was entered?  I awoke for a nighttime nursing and remembered that A is off with many members of her senior class participating in a senior prank at the school.  It was cleared by the officer that patrols the area and relatively harmless to all involved.  Nonetheless, I have not been able to go back to sleep without her being home.  I'm trying to remember how long it takes for pranks to get done and finished.....and that makes me feel ever more old because I can't remember how long it took for us to do them (not that I ever participated in stuff like that)

I'm also thinking about how it will be for me when she is off at college and I'm awake and wondering if she is allright and safe.  Ah, the language of letting go.

The good news is that I took a very nice nap yesterday.....the not so good news is that I probably won't be so lucky today :)

5/25/05 S2TA

Who is you pick for winner on American Idol?

From The Weekend

As you can imagine, this week is turning out to be very busy for me and I'll have little (if any) time to find myself at this keyboard.

Our trip to south Georgia for the graduation was wonderful.  It was good to see friends and parents of these children who were graduating from high school.  If I made the time now, I could tell you about emotions and memories.  Honestly, I can't afford to go that deep this morning so I'll have to stay near the surface.

This young woman will go far in life.  She's learned how to fend for herself and has passed the test of life (so far) with flying colors.

I remember when this girl's mother died. Middle school - a difficult time to navigate in the best of times - but even harder when your mom just decides that she can't do it anymore and takes her own life. This little girl was so precious. She spent many weekends at our house.  We'd play beautyshop and do makeup and all kinds of things.  Now look at her.  A beautiful young woman, graduating with honors and 'on her way'.  I know her mother would be so proud of her.

This is my daughter's soon to be college roommate.  They attended church together for almost 10 years, went through Sunday school together, confirmation class, good times and bad.  When I think of this young woman, I think of "shoes."  She owns more than 100 pair of flipflops.....college dorm life will be interesting, don't you think???

HHmmm......this young woman used to call me "Moma2" because she considered me her second mother. My love for her is equal. Best Friends, they are.  Even after all these years and the curves that they've both negotiated, the miles in between them, (I better stop here because I feel the tears welling up and I can't do it now)  She addressed her classmates as class president, she graduated with honors, she received a full scholarship to FSU - she's doing it.

I remember when these two girls were entering middle school. Telling them to make good choices and that some of the friends that they entered middle school with would not be their friends in a year because they would go another direction - perhaps make choices different than theirs. These girls listened - they made good choices.  I remember when they were confirmed together.  I remember when they were little and used to play dress up and pretend they were getting married.  I remember taking them to piano lessons 50 miles away to Georgia Southern College where the piano professor was the only one who could keep them challenged and stimulated.  I remember when her father resigned as pastor of our church and asked for a divorce from her mother because he wasn't going to live in a lie anymore - he wanted to be with his partner.  It was wonderful to see him this weekend.

This weekend was good for me in many ways - but one thing that sticks with me even this morning is that the events gave me a little taste of the 'experience' that will be my turn this coming Saturday when my daughter walks across that stage to receive her diploma and honors.  Some of you have navigated this journey before - this is new to me.  I'm feeling emotions that I'm trying to find a place to situate.  It's not easy.  The saving grace is that I have much to keep me busy and distracted.

Miles and miles.........these young people have traveled.  Miles and miles full of laughter, tears, hopes and dreams.  Many realized - the rest are still out there.

We know what we are, but not yet what we can become.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

To my extended family member:  You can do this.  You're in my thoughts but moreso in my prayers.  I pray for wisdom, strength, and courage but most of all love.  Love from me, love for yourself and love to yourself.

Book Tag

BOOK TAG   
(compliments of Larry, over at View from the Penthouse)

1. Total Number of Books I've Owned: Only a guess, but I know it has to be at LEAST over 400 (at one time, I had a library of over 150 books related to birth.  Now I just have about 50)

2. Last Book I Bought: Let the BIG DAWG EAT which is one of the graduation gifts for my daughter. Bought it today actually.

3. Last Book I Read: The Broker by John Grisham

4. Five (5) Books that I have read and REALLY enjoyed:

Great Expectations  by Charles Dickens (all time favorite)

Any of the Harry Potter books by JK Rowling

Timeline by Michael Chrichton ( I don't know why but this book just popped into my mind and its been years since I read it but I did like it)

Ina May's Guide To Childbirth  by Ina May Gaskin (world renown Midwife)

Letting Go by Melodie Beattie (I still read this daily after 13 years)

I must say that I haven't read as much lately as I did before J was born - I just don't make the time.  As much as I love all my children and adore the age that my two youngest ones are experiencing now - I long for the day when I can go on a trip for a week with my husband and lounge in a spa all day while I escape into a book with not a care in the world.

Ah, someday before I die.

I'm supposed to pic 5 people to do this;

Daydreams

Loner's Ridge

Untangling Knots

So Close

Mimico

Enjoy!

PS. I set this on this past Wednesday to post at a later date (today) becaue I'm out of town again :)

On The Road Again....

I just can't wait to get on the road again.....

I'm leaving again to go to south Georgia to attend the graduation ceremony of the children that I helped raise.  The young men and women who are graduating tomorrow are my daughter's best friends and kids whose families I attended church with for 9 years.

This weekend is their turn - mine comes next weekend when my daughter will switch her tassle from one side to the next.

I've set post to publish so you won't miss me too much.

Soon.

Music Tag

01. Total volume of music files on my computer?

I have 4 song files on my computer.  I do not listen to music files on my computer, I listen to them on our surround sound stereo system in our den.  We (my husband and I, although it is more him than me) have 2 CD changers in our den that are chock full of CDs of all kinds.  One holds 500 CDs and it is full, another holds 300 and there are about 75 free spaces. 

02. The last CD I bought was?

I can't remember if it was Three Doors Down or Rascal Flats latest CD.It's been too long since I purchased a CD - several months.

03. Song playing right now.

Nothing - I've just finished 3 margaritas along with my dinner (I went on a date tonight) and then spent 45 minutes in our hot tub to finish off my date.  Let's just say that I don't need music playing on any piece of equipment.

04. Five songs I listen to a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order).

I love Concierto de Aranjuez, 2nd Movement, by Rodrigo.  This is some of the most sensual and melodic music that I've ever listened to. Each time I listen to it, its like hearing it for the first time.  I've experienced it performed live on three separate occasions.

Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring by J.S. Bach....... Its like I'm in the presence of God when I hear this piece done well with full chorale and orchestra

The Rose, as performed by Bette Midler.  My best friend in high school and I used to ride around downtown Atlanta during his first year at Emory Medical University, singing this song in harmony at the top of our lungs and I always think of him when I hear it (he is deceased now) and the message of that song touches my heart still.

Joseph's Lullaby - This is an original concert and orchestra piece written by my husband.  The melody first came to him the night that our son was born at home as my husband was rocking him for the first time. He didn't know any lullabies so he made up his own. Over the next few months, it developed chords, harmonies, melodic counterpoints - into a full composition for orchestra and concert ensemble. I encouraged him to write it down in a score.  A few weeks later, we submitted it to the publisher and the rest is history - everyone loves it.  This will always be a special piece to me because I understand the emotion within and behind it.

If you would like to hear this piece - leave a request in the comments and I'll return the mp3 sound wave file to your email box. It's one of the four that I have on my computer.

Which leads me to the final song that is special to me.  I Believe as performed by Andrea Bocelli....

(the opening lyrics)

One day I'll hear
The laugh of children
In a world where
War has been banned

One day I'll see
Men of all colors
Sharing words of love and devotion

If you'd like to experience this song (because it IS to be *experienced*), just leave your request in the comments section and I'll share the mp3 sound wave file with you.

5. (I can't get this to move back to the left and not be indented)
People that I am going to tag with this:

Hmmm.....do we have any takers?